Monday, December 29, 2008
I obviously don't want to be a weak, romance novel character. But I've always wondered what it would be like to be someone that needs protecting. Or not even needs it, but inspires it. I am 5'10". I am taller than half the men I know. I've never known what it's like to have to literally look up to people. Even at my healthy weight, which I admittedly haven't seen in almost three years now, I am never going to be petite. I am not shy and I am not quiet. I'm grateful that my parents raised me to be independent and opinionated. But I think that everyone wants to be taken care of every once in awhile and I can't remember the last time anyone took care of me. At least, not as an adult. My friends and family are supportive and I am sure would be more than willing to help me out if I asked, but I doubt that I would ever ask. I'd probably hate myself if I did have to ask, to be honest. But it would be nice to have someone looking out for you sometimes. It would be nice to know that there is someone else out there that not only cares what happens to you but actually fights to make your life better.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
The lack of crappy fast food and stores loaded with products made in Taiwan is part of what I love about Alaska, but when we get screwed on shipping even though postage costs the same whether you mail it to Alabama or Alaska and we get screwed on subs and when I can’t make a run for the border at 2am, that’s when living here can kinda sucks.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
So, my wonderful 3 readers, what are you thankful for this year?
Friday, November 21, 2008
Why do you discriminate? Surely, not all of your subscribers own PC’s. Actually, I am 100% sure that quite a few of your members are Mac owners or you wouldn’t be launching some 'great' Mac player soon. (And by 'great' I am sure that you mean my movie will freeze every 5 seconds.) I find it highly unfair that your PC subscribers can watch instant movies right now however, while you dick around with your beta testing even though there are supposedly no glitches in it. I think that I should be getting a discount every month until the Mac player is fully functional for all users, not just your stupid beta testers. Because paying for a bullshit service that I can’t use is utterly ridiculous. Know what else is bullshit? The fact that you don’t have a ‘contact us’ email option. Sure, I can email you about improperly labeled movies and I can contact you about advertising with your stupid company, but I can’t email you about your shitty customer service. And you know what else? I’m thinking that maybe Blockbuster handles things better. Now, I hate Blockbuster on principal, but I also hate feeling like I am getting crappy service.
Yes, I know this is whiny and there are about a million other horrible things going on in the world at this exact moment that I should be complaining about, but have you ever realized how exhausting it is to complain about things that really matter? I am so sick of not being able to make more of a difference in the world. How did I wind up almost 30 working in an office all day long? I don’t teach people anything, I don’t heal people, I’m no longer doing anything to help the environment. How did this happen? My whole life I heard, ‘You’re not living up to your potential.’ And gosh darnit, they were right because I certainly didn’t picture myself growing up to become a ‘marketer’. I mean, is that even a word?
I should have been a scientist or an engineer or something. I wanted to be a marine biologist. My math teacher father enjoys reminding me how I graduated from middle school with like, the highest math grade in the school. 98.6% or some crap - I beat out Paul Getto by .5% or something like that. I try to forget that story because I am sure Paul Getto is curing cancer or winning the Nobel Prize now and I can barely remember how to add fractions. In fact, I am fairly certain that I would get most fractions wrong these days. I decided at some point hanging out with the ‘cool’ kids and experimenting with pot and skipping school would be a much better use of my time. Obviously, I wasn't that smart.
So you see, Netflix, not only does your customer service suck, it also reminds me how I have wasted my entire life and have not lived up to my potential. Now I am never going to discover penicillin or invent a microscope. And yes, I realize both of those things already exisit, but you have no idea what I could have done with my life. I have settled with bitching and moaning about instant movies and living my life in front of a computer instead of bothering to care about all that other stuff. I hope you are happy.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
And I am sure this is really horrible of me to say, but sometimes it really pisses me off that there are so many pink ribbons and walks and products but that money doesn’t go into a communal pot. It only goes to breast cancer research, which has a fairly good survival rate. Guess how many people are alive one year after a brain cancer diagnosis? Half. Only 25% make it to two years. My co-workers latest news?
“...wanted to let you know that my MRI on Wednesday indicated that there is a very strong chance that my tumor is growing back. We are waiting for a second opinion and then I'll likely undergo another craniotomy or resection in early December.”
It’s not fair. I just don’t know how else to put it. He does NOT deserve it. His wife doesn’t deserve it. His kids don’t deserve it. It’s just not right. And I don’t know what to say and I am not ready to say goodbye and what really sucks is that I am living somewhere where no one knows him so I don’t even get to talk about it to anyone. I get to sit home alone and cry about it and write about it on my stupid blog that no one reads. I hate cancer.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
After a week of entirely too much alcohol consumption, capped off with a stumble home at 3am where I proceeded to drunk dial all the major players – past and present – in my life, I have decided that I should probably erase some of the phone numbers that no longer belong in my cell. Sure, I could focus on not drinking so much, but its winter in Alaska and that’s just what you do here. But apparently, it is still dangerous for me to have certain phone numbers readily accessible after midnight. I know I should have deleted some of them long ago, but it’s harder than I thought it would be. I don’t think I’m still hung up on any of my exes, but I must be at least a little or it wouldn’t be so hard to let go. And that kind of sucks.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Obviously, I am quite excited about the outcome of the Presidential election, but this ain’t called Capital Cities Whine Monger for nothing!
Last night, while most of the country was busy voting Blue, I was in a state that was electing a convicted felon into the Senate. Seriously? No really, what does a politician have to do in this state to NOT get re-elected? Because I cannot explain it. Not even a little bit. And now, since he will obviously get kicked out of the Senate, I’m guessing that Palin will run in the special election that’s almost inevitable at this point. Sure, there is the slimmest possibility that Stevens could still lose once all the absentee ballots are counted, but it’s really not looking great.
Palin as Governor = annoying. Palin as Senator = scary-ass shit. It’s not quite move-to-Canada scary, but it sets her up for a 2012 bid and that is pretty terrifying. And it ensures that Caribou Barbie is going to do everything in her power to keep shooting down animals from helicopters, fuck up ANWR at her earliest convenience, and move the Capital to Anchorage (or even worse – Wasilla, the taint of Alaska).
So, thank you, my fellow Alaskans. Thank you for providing me with more blog fodder and keeping me up until 1am last night. Thank you for making this the second Reddest state in the nation (Oklahoma, you go ahead and hold on to your title for a few more years!) and reinforcing all those stellar Alaskan stereotypes.
Now if you don’t mind, I am going to try to ignore your unbelievably stupid voting habits and enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of victory. It’s been a long time since I actually had an election to celebrate and I plan on milking it as long as I can. I figure I get at least a few extra days because of the historical significance in this election.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Anyway, hopefully after this election, I can stop blogging about politics for awhile.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The stakes seem higher this time around. I have literally broken out in hives at the thought of Palin in the White House. Okay, so I think I just have really dry skin right now, but I am sure that it’s a direct result of living a block away from an abandoned Governor’s mansion that I pass every day on my way to work. That house just sucks all the joy and happiness out of me. Sometimes, I go out of my way just to avoid seeing it. I’ve also let my dog take a dump in the driveway and I purposely didn’t pick it up even though I had a bag in my pocket. Take that, Palin!
Before getting back to Juneau, I actually did some campaigning for Obama in northern Virginia. Even though I was closer to DC, they needed volunteers to go out to Manassas, so I did. I was shocked by how many racial slurs were dropped by otherwise unsuspecting little old white ladies. I am probably going to hell for telling one especially old biddy that I hoped she died before November 4, but that is a price I am willing to pay. I know that there is still a lot of prejudice out there, but I have never been more ashamed of my race than I was that day, standing on a civil war battlefield and seeing a lady that looked like she just came from church drop the n-word.
Then there is the Ted Stevens race. I really like his opponent, Mark Begich, but this state is dumb enough to elect an 84-year old convicted felon. There really is no way to explain Alaskan politics. Once you’re in, even prison can’t stop you!
So basically, I am just giving everyone a fair warning that if the country goes red next week, I am going to be a very unhappy camper and I am apologizing ahead of time.
OK, enough about politics!! Let me just leave you by saying that while I was looking for a picture to put up with this post and I stumbled upon the Freedom is Not Free calendar. How do I become the photographer for that organization?
And then I found this really weird comic that shows us what both Obama and Clinton would look like with Humpty Hump noses. So, now you know and you can scratch that burning question off your list.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
In Jesus Land, the pastors, or whatever they are called, start off by slamming global warming and evolution. Then they show very young children ‘examples’ of 7-week old fetuses, which apparently look like ity-bitty plastic baby dolls if you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Never mind that most women at that point are carrying something that looks like a jellybean in their womb, true Evangelicals immaculately conceive fully developed miniature people in their uteruses. Then they bring in a life-sized George Bush cutout so that the children at Jesus Camp can pray to him. And throughout the movie they repeatedly refer to how great of a leader Bush is.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
It was raining and chilly, but that never stops things from going on here. This guy was awesome.
If you aren't terrified of Palin in the White House, you aren't paying enough attention.
Monday, October 06, 2008
I have never been like most people…
I hate to admit that I am not a huge fan of winter. I never learned how to ski and the last time I lived here I devoted all my time to snowboarding. And what a crap ton of wasted time that was! I hated every single, solitary minute of snowboarding and I vowed never to get on another snowboard as long as I live. I am going to try skiing this winter, but having a dozen 6-year-olds zipping by my fat ass on the bunny hill is something that I know I am not going to relish.
I joined the beginning women’s hockey league last time I lived here, but I realized that I really need to learn how to skate before I do that again. Plus, trying to get motivated to go play hockey at 10pm on a Tuesday is hard. The hockey leagues here get some pretty crappy ice times.
It’s going to take me a year or two to get used to Alaska winters again. This is the time of year I absolutely loved in DC. All the leaves bursting with color and that crisp, clean smell in the air. I drove up to Shenandoah both autumns I was in DC and it is a gorgeous time to visit. In contrast, the fifty deciduous trees in Juneau all turn yellow and then fade to brown. I think I have seen two trees that actually turned red or orange. Everything is wet, it starts to get dark earlier and earlier, and winter looms on the horizon – literally. The snow creeping down the mountains is a constant reminder that we aren’t going to see daylight for the next few months. Winter is not why I moved back to Juneau.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
The other thing the keeps me up at night is the thought that the Republicans are continuing to out-strategize Democrats. If Palin does well, she finally gets some credibility. She’ll have a debate under her belt, some new confidence in herself, and her handlers can start loosening her leash a little bit. If she sucks ass, they could convince her to step down because of ‘family issues’ and fill her spot with Rudy Giuliani or Joe Lieberman. If there is one thing Republicans do well, it’s put the spin on bad decisions. (Anyone remember that there were zero Iraqis on board the planes on 9/11?) And if she gives a great concession speech and hits all her talking points - makes it clear she made this decision with her family, it has nothing to do with the press, McCain is a Maverick, blah, blah, blah – there could be a media firestorm, which spun the right way would be Republican gold. Bastards!
Oh Jon, how is it that you always know how to get me to chuckle, even when it is just oh so wrong?
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Florida, if you fuck up ANOTHER election, I hope global warming floods your entire fucking state and nothing is left above ground. Seriously.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Last night, Obama’s Democratic acceptance speech was absolutely phenomenal. Not quite as good as the speech he made four years ago, but damn good. I fully admit that I am a big cry baby, but he made me cry nonetheless. And more importantly, he gave me hope. The last eight years have been brutal, and Obama is the most interesting politician I have seen since Feingold first ran for office. Do I agree with his stance on clean coal and nuclear? Hell no. But in a two party system, I don’t think there is ever going to be a candidate you completely agree with and you can either accept that or vote for some random Green Party candidate that doesn’t have a chance in hell. The point is that after Obama’s speech, I was revved up and excited about politics again.
Then McSame, er, McCain announced his VP running mate, Sarah Palin. You may be asking yourself, who? She’s the Governor of Alaska, silly! She’s been in office since 2006, how could you not know her? I just better not hear anything else from the Republican Party about Obama not having enough experience. Palin is younger and her only political experience comes from a state with less than one million residents. She has zero foreign policy experience. But she was the runner up in the Miss Alaska pageant in 1984, so I mean, that’s gotta count for something.
I am not a fan of Mrs. Palin. We don’t agree on many things politically. But unfortunately, I think it was a fantastic move on McCain’s part. She’s a woman, so she can potentially get some of the stubborn Hillary supporters. (Personally, I think that is total bullshit. Obama’s and Hillary’s voting records are SO similar. Voting for McCain just because you wanted a vagina in the White House is fucking dumb.) She is also young, which is something McCain obviously isn’t. Her oldest son is actually in the Army – and how many politicians can say that - and her youngest, born this past April, has Down’s syndrome. She’s got two built in audiences right there.
Alaskans also seem to really like her even though she is under investigation for illegally firing a police officer. (The officer sounds like a total douche, but he was also Palin’s ex brother-in-law and douche or not, I don’t think there was enough evidence to fire him. I think. I haven’t really been paying attention to that story because I don’t have a tv and to be completely honest, the story is boring.) But that story should be an easy PR cover-up, nothing major. Then there's the pregnancy rumors. (Seriously, this is Palin 6 months pregnant? Life is not fair.) They started almost as soon as Palin annoucned she was pregnant. Some people say Trig is actually her 16-year-old daughters. It's especially fishy since the last few months of Palin's pregnancy, her daughter was out of school because she 'had mono'. I've had mono, and I certainly didn't miss MONTHS of school, but I know it can be a beast and I feel like the facts would have been leaked by now if that story was true. So I highly doubt that will factor in at all over the next two months. And with the right media spin, she is going to be gold this election. And I am going to have to consider moving to Canada. Again.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Who cares, you ask? Well, apparently the IT guy I work with. Even though I asked the president of our company before I bought the stupid thing, the IT guy is trying to tell me he will most certainly NOT support my laptop and that I am on my own with everything, blah, blah, blah. Great, just what I needed. To piss off the one IT guy without even meaning too. I already share an office with a complete douchebag, which is a post for another day, but now I have apparently broken some unspoken ‘Thou Shall Not Buy Mac’ commandment and this tool is going to be a royal pain in my ass from now on. If there is one thing I learned the hard way, it’s never piss off your IT guy.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Something to look forward to when Juneau weather is at its worst! That creepy kid is not only the perfect casting job, it's Ralph Fiennes newphew too! Perhaps sometimes nepotism is a good thing? Oh man, I can't wait for November! The only sucky thing is that I am not going to be near an IMAX this time around. I love the new director and I got to see Harry Potter 5 on the DC IMAX. SO much better than on a regular screen. Sigh. There are some drawbacks to life in Alaska...
Monday, July 28, 2008
I don’t know that I’ve ever actually been in a Wal-Mart. I’m sure I must have been in one a few times before on road trips or something, but it’s not a place I plan to make a habit of going to. I mean, if I am going to become dependent on something, crack sounds more appealing. I understand that Wal-Mart has brought some jobs to Juneau. And I also know that it is getting harder and harder to find a job in Southeast Alaska. But they are providing dead end jobs that don’t pay well, don’t provide good benefits, and don’t give employees much of a chance to move up the corporate ladder. Maybe one or two employees will be given an opportunity to manage a store, but of course that will require a move outside of Juneau. Then we lose another competent worker and the vicious cycle continues. I think I have more of a problem with Wal-Mart here than I do in the lower 48. It’s so much harder to support local businesses in such an isolated area, and a lot of people can’t afford to do it when a crappy t-shirt is sold a lot cheaper at the gigantic chain a few miles down the road. I wonder how long I am going to last before I buckle and rush off to Wal-Mart because I heard about their two-for-one special on pomegranates or tube socks or something…
Monday, July 21, 2008
“Ledger, who took the role after Jude Law turned it down for A.I. Artificial Intelligence, does a prodigious job transforming his character from an affluent captain to a dilapidated nomad. Best known for his roles in The Patriot and A Knight's Tale, this role proves his most challenging and best delivered. Ledger's efforts do not save this movie from being mediocre though.”
Like most people, I went and saw Batman this weekend. And like most people, I was blown away by Heath Ledger’s performance. And after seeing almost every movie Ledger has ever been in, after seeing how immersed Ledger was in his characters, you get the sense that the Joker (and most likely his upcoming character in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus) definitely played a role in his death. And that sucks.
Monday, July 14, 2008
I didn't go sailing once while I was in DC. Which is just wrong. This weekend I got out on the water AND I killed my first salmon. I have caught a few before and had someone else deal with the killing part, but I decided I needed to step up. It was the best dog salmon I've ever eaten. Dog salmon is actually my favorite, and shockingly to most people, king is probably my least favorite. Apparently I just like more oily fish.
Anyway, I cannot describe how utterly wonderful it is to be back near water. And have friends with boats. But the boats aren’t even necessary. Just being near the ocean again is fantastic. I’m taking a fly fishing class in a few weeks, and I found a sweet little fishing hole. Okay, okay, so I technically didn’t find it - someone just told me about it, but whatever. Now I have my very own hole. (Tee hee that was supposed to sound dirty…)
Friday, July 11, 2008
Anyway, I would definitely make a really crappy homeless person. How do people in Alaska do it? It's wet, it's often cold, there are bears. And it's not like if you are homeless you can afford to fly off to somewhere warmer. Thank god for my friends!
Monday, July 07, 2008
It was awesome. Kids were crashing into the tires right and left. The reason there isn't a derby in Milwaukee is because I am sure the city is terrified of getting sued. But Alaskan kids are tough. They jump up and shake it off when they crash.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
· I’m listening to Dear Lover by the Foo Fighters right now and I forgot how much that song reminds me of Elliot Smith. God, do I love Pandora.
· Today is sunny and gorgeous and So You Think You Can Dance is going to lose out to sailing this evening, even though I am going to feel guilty about leaving Pint at home on such a nice evening. I’ll make it up to her with some cheese. I forgot how little TV I watched up here. TV is the devil. It’s more addicting than crack and it feels great to be watching less of it.
· My little sister is thinking about getting another tattoo. She’s only got one. (I have five. I’m way more badass, obviously.) She’s thinking about getting the Black Pearl. I think that is effing hysterical.
That’s all I’ve got. Enjoy your 4th bitches!