Friday, October 29, 2010

Evolution of Acceptance

9:07 a.m. - Go in for a ‘quick meeting’ and end up getting laid off. It was such a surprise to me that I didn’t cry or yell, which in hindsight is a good thing.

10:48 a.m. – Surprise! My boss sends out an all staff email letting everyone know. I really appreciated the whooping 101 minutes they gave me to absorb what was going on and let me process it.

Noonish – Decided I didn’t need to be at work anymore that day.

1:37 p.m. – Cried when I told my mom what happened.

3:02 p.m. – Read about 500 pages of The Help by Kathryn Stockett, which is really good.

5ish – Went for a 3-mile run. Not my fastest time ever, but it felt good.

7ish – Went out for a burger/MNF.

10:15 p.m. – My friend, Jorge, is in a hockey league and had a late game. I decided to go watch. He took a weird hit from the puck and fractured his foot, which took my mind off my day for about 30 minutes.


Slept until almost 10 a.m. Went out and bought a pack of cigarettes, a fifth of rum and a Papa Murphy’s pizza. Finished off all three. Got drunk enough to send this text message:

I know we haven’t really clicked, but it’s winter in Juneau so if you ever want to get together and just make out or whatever, let me know.

It totally worked.


Hungover and facing a trip to my office to box shit up, I have one of the vicodin Jorge got for his foot. I can see why Brett Pervre, er Favre, was addicted to that shit. It’s amazing.


At some point in the day, I decide that Corn Nuts and Halloween candy are the way to go and eat nothing else all day. By the second commercial break during Grey’s Anatomy I have abused myself so completely that I throw up.


Wake up late, throw some shit in a bag and get to the airport just in time to board my flight to DC for the Rally! I think it is interested to note that my former employers sent out an email to all employees saying that they were forbidden to attend the Rally. What a bunch of douchebags. Thank God I am no longer working for them!

Update: Goddamnit motherfucking assmuching cocksucking sonofabitch! I knew this was going to happen. The piece of shit weather in Juneau sucks today and my flight was cancelled and I am not going to make the rally because I live in the shittiest fucking place on the planet. I cannot wait to get the fuck out of Juneau. New plan for the day: took a vicodin, ate some jalapeno poppers, bought enough rum, vodka and beer to supply an army and if I can remember my name by the end of the day then my whole life has lost it's meaning.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

More NFL Look-Alikes

Because I have nothing better to do:
Once again, I am starting off easy. Former Chicago Bears quarterback and current major Broncos disappointment Kyle Orton. I'm sure you know where I am going with this one. That's right, he's a dead ringer for Foo Fighters/Nirvana Dave Grohl.
Jets QB Mark Sanchez. Yum. He was a tough one.
I couldn't decide if he looked more like Fez from That 70's Show:
Or Adrian Grenier:
I finally decided on Adrian only because I think he is hotter. And Sanchez is most definitely hot.

And finally, Jim Fassel.
Did you guess this one? He totally reminds me of Robin Williams.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Pink Slip

So, when I said that I put in my notice at work, I was exaggerating a bit. My boss was on vacation, so I didn't officially give written notice. On Monday morning, with my boss back we had a "quick" meeting at 9am, which I thought was going to be about a few of our upcoming projects. Instead, I got laid off. I didn't realize how much of a difference there would be between choosing to leave on your own terms in your own time and being told you are done. They handled the whole situation really poorly too.

On the plus side, since I am not quitting, I get unemployment. The down side of that is that unemployment benefits suck and will not cover my monthly expenses even after I have cancelled my gym membership, my farm share, my Internet connection and my Netflix account. I'll still be short $96/month and that is assuming I never spend money on any form of entertainment. Thank God I don't have a kid to support.

I wasn't planning on starting off my week by becoming a statistic.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Thoughts of the day

Not at all surprising of the day: Alaska gives every person that lives here oil money each year. This year they sent out just under $1,300. I decided to pay off my car with the money. So on Monday, I was driving behind a douchey SUV when they kicked up a rock that cracked my windshield. When I took it in to get fixed, I was told it was ‘gnarly’ and unfixable. Great. Then, at the gas station another douchey monster truck decided to test his turning radius by ‘bumping’ into my car while I was at the pump. And by ‘bumping’, I mean he rammed into the back hard enough to dent it while leaving his vehicle without a scratch. Then he told me it was my fault for buying foreign. My corolla probably has more parts made in the US than his stupid Dodge Ram, but whatever. That’s pretty much what I get for paying off my car early.

Rally of the day: Only a week until I’m DC bound and I can.not.wait!!! I think Obama is going to be there. I still don’t have a sign idea. Too bad nobody reads this blog anymore to help me out...

Advice of the day: Don’t bring up someone else’s weight loss. Seriously, it’s none of your business. Would you go up to someone and tell them they look like they’ve gained weight? No. I’m sure you think it’s a compliment, but not everyone is going to take it that way. “Wow! You look fantastic, how much weight have you lost?!” Seriously? Fuck you. Now, not only do I feel like I looked like shit before but I also feel like I was as big as a house. I haven’t even lost enough weight to warrant a new pair of pants and you are making such a big ass deal out of 15 pounds that you’d think I just won the Biggest Loser. Shut up.

Oh yeah of the day: My roommate is gone for a few months and she was either going to move out or she needed to get someone to sublet. I didn’t want to lose her as a roommate so for the next four weeks I am living with a guy who is in town from Anchorage. I forgot how much easier it is to live with a boy. It has been a long time since I lived with a guy and I don’t mean to stereotype because I am sure there are exceptions, but it seems like they are in general more chill than females. I have absolutely nothing against my roommate - I’m looking forward to having her come back. But this guy is pretty awesome.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

More NFL Doppelgangers

Last year, I blogged about all the doppelgangers there are in the NFL. Perhaps it's because I am hungover and unable to get off the couch today, or maybe it's because that last post still generates most of my blog traffic, but I decided to revisit the topic.

First up, Super Bowl MVP Drew Brees. I decided to start with an easy one, so sue me.
I recently saw Alias for the first time, which is probably why I never noticed before how much he looks like Michael Vartan.
Clay Matthews:

He looks like Chris Jericho. Or maybe a roided out Spicoli...
But the one I really noticed today was Miami kicker Dan Carpenter. I don't really know much about the Dolphins, so I have never paid attention to him before.
But he totally looks like a happy little Boromir from Lord of the Rings! It's adorable.
And now that I brought it up, I am going to go watch the Fellowship of the Ring. The perfect cure for a wicked hangover.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Random Thoughts

The weather has been really crappy for weeks now, which is making me realize that I am cutting it really close to get to DC in time for the rally. One plane delay and I could miss the whole thing. I am slightly stressing out about my poor planning.

Recently, I have been shedding way more hair than normal. There is no male or female baldness in my family and I just went to the doctor and I know I don’t have any thyroid issues. (Side note: I also learned that I have, and I quote, “Great cholesterol.”) I am stressing out more than just a little because I don’t have much hair to begin with and I will seriously freak the fuck out if I am going bald. I can’t think of what else could be causing my hair to fall out at such an alarming rate. Every test they did came back normal. And most disturbing of all is the fact that when I google hair loss, there is nothing that can really be done about it. I look stupid in hats. I cannot be a baldie.

I have a super secret job interview! Okay, it’s not really a secret, but I am not telling anyone about it because I am never going to get the job. (Hint: I would be way more likely to be hired for this particular job if I looked more like Jenn Sterger.)

Monday is Alaska Day, which means I have a 3-day weekend. So do state employees. It’s nice living somewhere that just randomly throws in extra paid holidays. (Yes plural, I also get Seward’s Day off.) I will miss that when I am back down south.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

A Change Will Do You Good

Ok, I did something huge today. I do not have a new job lined up. I don’t have a clue what I am going to do next year. Grad school, move back to Wisconsin without a job, move back with a job, stay in Alaska - who knows?? But I DO know that I cannot stay at my current job. My friend and former blogger, Jorge, can’t understand why I complain about a job that pays me to do nothing. I think he’d last six months tops sitting around sucking at his job every day. No one wants to feel useless at work.

Anyway, I have been complaining about this for awhile and today I got offered a job in Wisconsin. A job I don’t particularly want. A job that would not be a step up or pay anymore than what I make now. A job that would keep me chained to a desk for another few years while I slowly lose interest and look for something ‘better’. I did not accept the job offer.

But I did put in my notice at work.

I know I should be freaking out right now. I basically quit my job - even though I gave plenty of notice and will stick around until the end of the year. I should really be freaking out though. I have no idea what I am going to do next. The economy sucks and I’ve been looking for a job without any success for months. I’m crazy to be quitting a job that gives me health insurance and doesn’t care if I don’t show up until 10 am.

But the only emotion I can drum up right now is relief. I am FINALLY doing something about being unhappy. Yes, maybe I will regret it in March when I have to resort to asking my parents for a loan, but I just have a feeling this is the right thing to do. It’s exciting not knowing what’s in store for the future. Sure, it’s a little nerve-racking but honestly, it’s about time.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Hello, October. Now please go away.


Let’s see, rain? Yes. Power outage? Check. Wind? Small craft advisory? You got it. Yep, it’s officially fall. In Wisconsin, you get crisp, clear nights and crunchy leaves to walk through and apple picking. In Juneau, you get cold and wet. Why did I think it would be a good idea to wait until next spring to get out of here again?

Monday, October 04, 2010

I'd like to apologize

For all Alaskan politicians. They all suck. I don't know who to vote for this year. Joe Miller is a horrible, horrible person. The fact that the people of Alaska are dumb enough to push him through a primary makes me angry. And sad. But I don't think Scott McAdams, our 'Alaskan democrat', which basically means he'd be a Republican anywhere else, has a chance in hell of winning. He might have had a chance, but Lisa Murkowski had to become the Ralph Nader of Alaska this year. And while I don't like her, I don't hate her either. And I think she has a better chance of winning that McAdams. I'm sick of voting for the lesser of two evils.

And I cannot believe Feingold might not win Wisconsin. What the hell is going on in this country?!