Wednesday, November 26, 2008

What are you thankful for this year?

There are just so many things that I am thankful for right now, it’s hard to know where to begin. I mean, just in the last week I’ve been so blessed. I am so thankful for the douche bag that stole my wallet. It really made my night. I’ve been in such a great mood all week and that just really topped things off. And my co-worker deserves a gold star for reminding me that we wake up with a choice and every morning and we can either choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood. That really put things in perspective. My vet has also been a real asset in my life. I really appreciated the lecture about my dogs teeth followed by the astronomical vet bill and the ‘there’s-nothing-we-can-really-do-about-Pint’s-seizures’ pep talk. My vet is swell. Being woken up at 2am on a week night because someone wanted to make out with my roommate is another thing I am super thankful for. I mean, at least I didn’t have to make out with anyone (because kissing is gross) and I was able to go right back to sleep. And I am thankful that someone stole my last can of Coke out of the employee refrigerator. I am trying to break my caffine addiction and it was really thoughtful of you to help me out. I mean, really, how can you not be thankful for all of that?

So, my wonderful 3 readers, what are you thankful for this year?

Friday, November 21, 2008

I could have solved global warming but I got Netflix instead.

Dear Netflix,

Why do you discriminate? Surely, not all of your subscribers own PC’s. Actually, I am 100% sure that quite a few of your members are Mac owners or you wouldn’t be launching some 'great' Mac player soon. (And by 'great' I am sure that you mean my movie will freeze every 5 seconds.) I find it highly unfair that your PC subscribers can watch instant movies right now however, while you dick around with your beta testing even though there are supposedly no glitches in it. I think that I should be getting a discount every month until the Mac player is fully functional for all users, not just your stupid beta testers. Because paying for a bullshit service that I can’t use is utterly ridiculous. Know what else is bullshit? The fact that you don’t have a ‘contact us’ email option. Sure, I can email you about improperly labeled movies and I can contact you about advertising with your stupid company, but I can’t email you about your shitty customer service. And you know what else? I’m thinking that maybe Blockbuster handles things better. Now, I hate Blockbuster on principal, but I also hate feeling like I am getting crappy service.

Yes, I know this is whiny and there are about a million other horrible things going on in the world at this exact moment that I should be complaining about, but have you ever realized how exhausting it is to complain about things that really matter? I am so sick of not being able to make more of a difference in the world. How did I wind up almost 30 working in an office all day long? I don’t teach people anything, I don’t heal people, I’m no longer doing anything to help the environment. How did this happen? My whole life I heard, ‘You’re not living up to your potential.’ And gosh darnit, they were right because I certainly didn’t picture myself growing up to become a ‘marketer’. I mean, is that even a word? 

I should have been a scientist or an engineer or something. I wanted to be a marine biologist. My math teacher father enjoys reminding me how I graduated from middle school with like, the highest math grade in the school. 98.6% or some crap - I beat out Paul Getto by .5% or something like that. I try to forget that story because I am sure Paul Getto is curing cancer or winning the Nobel Prize now and I can barely remember how to add fractions. In fact, I am fairly certain that I would get most fractions wrong these days. I decided at some point hanging out with the ‘cool’ kids and experimenting with pot and skipping school would be a much better use of my time. Obviously, I wasn't that smart.

So you see, Netflix, not only does your customer service suck, it also reminds me how I have wasted my entire life and have not lived up to my potential. Now I am never going to discover penicillin or invent a microscope. And yes, I realize both of those things already exisit, but you have no idea what I could have done with my life. I have settled with bitching and moaning about instant movies and living my life in front of a computer instead of bothering to care about all that other stuff. I hope you are happy.

Sincerely, KaDonkaDonk

Monday, November 17, 2008

Sleepy kitty

...can't stand to have a depressing post front and center...

Friday, November 14, 2008

Cancer sucks.

Sometimes life is so unfair. I mean, so unfair you go off on existential rants and question your faith. I might have been completely ready to leave the environmental non-profit world to come back to Alaska, but I learned a lot there. And I consider two of my former co-workers to be the best mentors anyone could ask for. One of them was the chief naturalist for our organization. He is one of the most inspiring, intelligent, thoughtful people I have ever met. He has spent the last 32 years working to improve the environment. He runs at least one ultra marathon every year. (For those of you that don’t know about ultras, they are either 50 or 100 MILE races! Who does that?!) Anyway, my former colleague also owns a few acres of land where he grows quite a bit of his own produce. You have never met a healthier person in your life. And just after I left, he was diagnosed with brain cancer. And I realize that cancer sucks, and it’s never fair, blah, blah, blah. But this time, it’s REALLY unfair.

And I am sure this is really horrible of me to say, but sometimes it really pisses me off that there are so many pink ribbons and walks and products but that money doesn’t go into a communal pot. It only goes to breast cancer research, which has a fairly good survival rate. Guess how many people are alive one year after a brain cancer diagnosis? Half. Only 25% make it to two years. My co-workers latest news?

“...wanted to let you know that my MRI on Wednesday indicated that there is a very strong chance that my tumor is growing back. We are waiting for a second opinion and then I'll likely undergo another craniotomy or resection in early December.”

It’s not fair. I just don’t know how else to put it. He does NOT deserve it. His wife doesn’t deserve it. His kids don’t deserve it. It’s just not right. And I don’t know what to say and I am not ready to say goodbye and what really sucks is that I am living somewhere where no one knows him so I don’t even get to talk about it to anyone. I get to sit home alone and cry about it and write about it on my stupid blog that no one reads. I hate cancer.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sometimes, I am so lame...

After a week of entirely too much alcohol consumption, capped off with a stumble home at 3am where I proceeded to drunk dial all the major players – past and present – in my life, I have decided that I should probably erase some of the phone numbers that no longer belong in my cell. Sure, I could focus on not drinking so much, but its winter in Alaska and that’s just what you do here. But apparently, it is still dangerous for me to have certain phone numbers readily accessible after midnight. I know I should have deleted some of them long ago, but it’s harder than I thought it would be. I don’t think I’m still hung up on any of my exes, but I must be at least a little or it wouldn’t be so hard to let go. And that kind of sucks.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Cute fix

It beats coming up with something to post. And I just can't get enough of that friggin' bear!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


Obviously, I am quite excited about the outcome of the Presidential election, but this ain’t called Capital Cities Whine Monger for nothing!

Last night, while most of the country was busy voting Blue, I was in a state that was electing a convicted felon into the Senate. Seriously? No really, what does a politician have to do in this state to NOT get re-elected? Because I cannot explain it. Not even a little bit. And now, since he will obviously get kicked out of the Senate, I’m guessing that Palin will run in the special election that’s almost inevitable at this point. Sure, there is the slimmest possibility that Stevens could still lose once all the absentee ballots are counted, but it’s really not looking great.

Palin as Governor = annoying. Palin as Senator = scary-ass shit. It’s not quite move-to-Canada scary, but it sets her up for a 2012 bid and that is pretty terrifying. And it ensures that Caribou Barbie is going to do everything in her power to keep shooting down animals from helicopters, fuck up ANWR at her earliest convenience, and move the Capital to Anchorage (or even worse – Wasilla, the taint of Alaska).

So, thank you, my fellow Alaskans. Thank you for providing me with more blog fodder and keeping me up until 1am last night. Thank you for making this the second Reddest state in the nation (Oklahoma, you go ahead and hold on to your title for a few more years!) and reinforcing all those stellar Alaskan stereotypes.

Now if you don’t mind, I am going to try to ignore your unbelievably stupid voting habits and enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of victory. It’s been a long time since I actually had an election to celebrate and I plan on milking it as long as I can. I figure I get at least a few extra days because of the historical significance in this election.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Election Results

Vote! Vote! Vote!

I am starting to hyperventilate. I can’t concentrate at work and I think I have an ulcer. TOMORROW is the big day. Tomorrow, one way or another is going to be historic. And I am about ready to crap my pants in anticipation. I have been phone banking and blogging and putting up signs and wearing buttons for Obama since I was two months old it seems. Tomorrow could be like all of my favorite Christmases and birthdays all rolled into one or it could be as horrific as when I had to put my cat to sleep. I am going to be a nervous wreck tomorrow! Eek!!

On a quick side note, if you haven't watched McCain's appearance on SNL, you really need to. FUNNY stuff. I really like that man. If he hadn't picked a batshit crazy running mate, I don't even know if I would be all that worried about tomorrow.

Anyway, hopefully after this election, I can stop blogging about politics for awhile.