Friday, November 21, 2008

I could have solved global warming but I got Netflix instead.

Dear Netflix,

Why do you discriminate? Surely, not all of your subscribers own PC’s. Actually, I am 100% sure that quite a few of your members are Mac owners or you wouldn’t be launching some 'great' Mac player soon. (And by 'great' I am sure that you mean my movie will freeze every 5 seconds.) I find it highly unfair that your PC subscribers can watch instant movies right now however, while you dick around with your beta testing even though there are supposedly no glitches in it. I think that I should be getting a discount every month until the Mac player is fully functional for all users, not just your stupid beta testers. Because paying for a bullshit service that I can’t use is utterly ridiculous. Know what else is bullshit? The fact that you don’t have a ‘contact us’ email option. Sure, I can email you about improperly labeled movies and I can contact you about advertising with your stupid company, but I can’t email you about your shitty customer service. And you know what else? I’m thinking that maybe Blockbuster handles things better. Now, I hate Blockbuster on principal, but I also hate feeling like I am getting crappy service.

Yes, I know this is whiny and there are about a million other horrible things going on in the world at this exact moment that I should be complaining about, but have you ever realized how exhausting it is to complain about things that really matter? I am so sick of not being able to make more of a difference in the world. How did I wind up almost 30 working in an office all day long? I don’t teach people anything, I don’t heal people, I’m no longer doing anything to help the environment. How did this happen? My whole life I heard, ‘You’re not living up to your potential.’ And gosh darnit, they were right because I certainly didn’t picture myself growing up to become a ‘marketer’. I mean, is that even a word? 

I should have been a scientist or an engineer or something. I wanted to be a marine biologist. My math teacher father enjoys reminding me how I graduated from middle school with like, the highest math grade in the school. 98.6% or some crap - I beat out Paul Getto by .5% or something like that. I try to forget that story because I am sure Paul Getto is curing cancer or winning the Nobel Prize now and I can barely remember how to add fractions. In fact, I am fairly certain that I would get most fractions wrong these days. I decided at some point hanging out with the ‘cool’ kids and experimenting with pot and skipping school would be a much better use of my time. Obviously, I wasn't that smart.

So you see, Netflix, not only does your customer service suck, it also reminds me how I have wasted my entire life and have not lived up to my potential. Now I am never going to discover penicillin or invent a microscope. And yes, I realize both of those things already exisit, but you have no idea what I could have done with my life. I have settled with bitching and moaning about instant movies and living my life in front of a computer instead of bothering to care about all that other stuff. I hope you are happy.

Sincerely, KaDonkaDonk


Anonymous said...

Did you know that the instant PC viewing can be attached to your tv so you don't have to stare at a small computer screen? For you that would be nice if it worked with your mac. For me that would be nice if I wasn't technologically challenged.

Kadonkadonk said...

I've seen that, but unfortunately I don't have a tv right now. Actually, I am kind of enjoying not having a tv, I'm watching a lot less crap - but it does kind of stink when I want to watch a movie...

Michael5000 said...

This is an awesome post, except for the part where you feel like a loser because you are thirty and work in an office all day long, which makes me think about how I'm forty and work in an office all day long, which makes me want to put my head in the oven. But in a nice way.