Confessions, Part II

I've been slightly preoccupied trying to figure out why I have been so obsessed with the Twilight series lately. I mean, it's not a fantastic book. It's not horrible, but it's just a silly romance novel. I thought I got over that phase when I was 13. The only thing I can come up with is that it makes me a little sad to think that I am never going to be the 'damsel in distress'. I'm not saying that I want to be helpless, but a little part of me can't help but wonder how my life would be different if I was someone else.

I obviously don't want to be a weak, romance novel character. But I've always wondered what it would be like to be someone that needs protecting. Or not even needs it, but inspires it. I am 5'10". I am taller than half the men I know. I've never known what it's like to have to literally look up to people. Even at my healthy weight, which I admittedly haven't seen in almost three years now, I am never going to be petite. I am not shy and I am not quiet. I'm grateful that my parents raised me to be independent and opinionated. But I think that everyone wants to be taken care of every once in awhile and I can't remember the last time anyone took care of me. At least, not as an adult. My friends and family are supportive and I am sure would be more than willing to help me out if I asked, but I doubt that I would ever ask. I'd probably hate myself if I did have to ask, to be honest. But it would be nice to have someone looking out for you sometimes. It would be nice to know that there is someone else out there that not only cares what happens to you but actually fights to make your life better.

Confessions, Part I

I went to see Twilight with my roommate a little over a week ago… and I didn’t hate it. Don’t judge me! Robert Pattinson is hot. It’s sick that he was born in, like 1986, but whatever – that’s still legal. Even worse - I got curious and got the first book. Long story short, I read the whole series, even the leaked Midnight Sun manuscript. I hope the fact that I am now reading The Kite Runner and I have The Memory Keepers Daughter waiting in the wings will keep people from thinking less of me.

Wolverine. Wowza.

Hugh Jackman is hot. Hot, hot, hot! I mean, what else can I saw? Who needs Harry Potter?!

Winter is coming!

Juneau has not had as much snow as most of the Midwest. At least not at sea level. I thought I'd be fine with that but snow is damn pretty and I think I would be happy with a little bit more snow in my life. I know, crazy talk from someone that has been complaining about winter for the last two months. But I went cross country skiing for the first time ever this weekend. It's not as easy as it looks. I think that I am going to stick with groomed trails for the rest of this winter. And the ponds are frozen so you can skate on them and the ski lodge is finally open and it's all just making me want more snow!

Mountains are always pretty, but there is just something about the snow that makes them breathtaking.

My neighborhood is the most awesome part of Juneau. It would be nice to live out the road right on the ocean, but I like being downtown where all the action is!

I love crisp, cold winter nights. Everything is so clear and fresh. And the stars and moon are amazing. Pretty soon the Northern Lights will start to appear (hopefully) and it will be worth it to get bundled up and leave my bed at 2am to go outside and enjoy the show.

I don't know why, but I just love this picture. I don't think there was any snow on the ground yet, but it was right before the first real snowfall and it was the first time I was outside and actually excited about winter. Getting around in snow is annoying, but it sure is beautiful!

Five dollars, my ass

I was walking past Subway the other day when I noticed a gigantic sign in the window that said: “$6 Footlongs!!” Wait, what? The stupid $5 footlong jingle has been stuck in my head for the last 27-years, how can it be six stupid dollars?! Oh, that’s right. I live in Alaska now. We get screwed on pretty much every deal you see advertised on tv, and yet I still have to watch the dumb commercials whenever Ugly Betty is on because Pizza Hut/Blockbuster/Target/TGIFridays commercials are national. I hate seeing Olive Garden or Toxic Hell (Taco Bell, duh) commercials at midnight when I know I am going to wake up with a hangover and pretty much anything looks delicious. We have one Subway and two McDonald’s and that is the extent of our chain restaurants. There is no Kmart, no Walgreens, no Burger King.

The lack of crappy fast food and stores loaded with products made in Taiwan is part of what I love about Alaska, but when we get screwed on shipping even though postage costs the same whether you mail it to Alabama or Alaska and we get screwed on subs and when I can’t make a run for the border at 2am, that’s when living here can kinda sucks.

Merry Friggin' Xmas

Holy crap! How did December sneak up on me so fast? I mean, I just moved up here – how can it be the end of the year already?! This Christmas will be the third time in my life that I have not celebrated with my family. Alaska Airlines enjoys a monopoly in Southeast Alaska and they pretty much double prices during the holidays. A flight to Chicago is not worth $1170 and I don’t have the frequent flier miles to cover a free flight this year. Well, I have the miles, but I am saving them for a bigger trip. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal to stay in Juneau since most of my friends are usually here for the holidays but this year, with the exception of two or three people, it seems like just about everyone is going home. Assholes. At least I don’t have to deal with any airports in December.

What are you thankful for this year?

There are just so many things that I am thankful for right now, it’s hard to know where to begin. I mean, just in the last week I’ve been so blessed. I am so thankful for the douche bag that stole my wallet. It really made my night. I’ve been in such a great mood all week and that just really topped things off. And my co-worker deserves a gold star for reminding me that we wake up with a choice and every morning and we can either choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood. That really put things in perspective. My vet has also been a real asset in my life. I really appreciated the lecture about my dogs teeth followed by the astronomical vet bill and the ‘there’s-nothing-we-can-really-do-about-Pint’s-seizures’ pep talk. My vet is swell. Being woken up at 2am on a week night because someone wanted to make out with my roommate is another thing I am super thankful for. I mean, at least I didn’t have to make out with anyone (because kissing is gross) and I was able to go right back to sleep. And I am thankful that someone stole my last can of Coke out of the employee refrigerator. I am trying to break my caffine addiction and it was really thoughtful of you to help me out. I mean, really, how can you not be thankful for all of that?

So, my wonderful 3 readers, what are you thankful for this year?

I could have solved global warming but I got Netflix instead.

Dear Netflix,

Why do you discriminate? Surely, not all of your subscribers own PC’s. Actually, I am 100% sure that quite a few of your members are Mac owners or you wouldn’t be launching some 'great' Mac player soon. (And by 'great' I am sure that you mean my movie will freeze every 5 seconds.) I find it highly unfair that your PC subscribers can watch instant movies right now however, while you dick around with your beta testing even though there are supposedly no glitches in it. I think that I should be getting a discount every month until the Mac player is fully functional for all users, not just your stupid beta testers. Because paying for a bullshit service that I can’t use is utterly ridiculous. Know what else is bullshit? The fact that you don’t have a ‘contact us’ email option. Sure, I can email you about improperly labeled movies and I can contact you about advertising with your stupid company, but I can’t email you about your shitty customer service. And you know what else? I’m thinking that maybe Blockbuster handles things better. Now, I hate Blockbuster on principal, but I also hate feeling like I am getting crappy service.

Yes, I know this is whiny and there are about a million other horrible things going on in the world at this exact moment that I should be complaining about, but have you ever realized how exhausting it is to complain about things that really matter? I am so sick of not being able to make more of a difference in the world. How did I wind up almost 30 working in an office all day long? I don’t teach people anything, I don’t heal people, I’m no longer doing anything to help the environment. How did this happen? My whole life I heard, ‘You’re not living up to your potential.’ And gosh darnit, they were right because I certainly didn’t picture myself growing up to become a ‘marketer’. I mean, is that even a word? 

I should have been a scientist or an engineer or something. I wanted to be a marine biologist. My math teacher father enjoys reminding me how I graduated from middle school with like, the highest math grade in the school. 98.6% or some crap - I beat out Paul Getto by .5% or something like that. I try to forget that story because I am sure Paul Getto is curing cancer or winning the Nobel Prize now and I can barely remember how to add fractions. In fact, I am fairly certain that I would get most fractions wrong these days. I decided at some point hanging out with the ‘cool’ kids and experimenting with pot and skipping school would be a much better use of my time. Obviously, I wasn't that smart.

So you see, Netflix, not only does your customer service suck, it also reminds me how I have wasted my entire life and have not lived up to my potential. Now I am never going to discover penicillin or invent a microscope. And yes, I realize both of those things already exisit, but you have no idea what I could have done with my life. I have settled with bitching and moaning about instant movies and living my life in front of a computer instead of bothering to care about all that other stuff. I hope you are happy.

Sincerely, KaDonkaDonk

Sleepy kitty

...can't stand to have a depressing post front and center...

Cancer sucks.

Sometimes life is so unfair. I mean, so unfair you go off on existential rants and question your faith. I might have been completely ready to leave the environmental non-profit world to come back to Alaska, but I learned a lot there. And I consider two of my former co-workers to be the best mentors anyone could ask for. One of them was the chief naturalist for our organization. He is one of the most inspiring, intelligent, thoughtful people I have ever met. He has spent the last 32 years working to improve the environment. He runs at least one ultra marathon every year. (For those of you that don’t know about ultras, they are either 50 or 100 MILE races! Who does that?!) Anyway, my former colleague also owns a few acres of land where he grows quite a bit of his own produce. You have never met a healthier person in your life. And just after I left, he was diagnosed with brain cancer. And I realize that cancer sucks, and it’s never fair, blah, blah, blah. But this time, it’s REALLY unfair.

And I am sure this is really horrible of me to say, but sometimes it really pisses me off that there are so many pink ribbons and walks and products but that money doesn’t go into a communal pot. It only goes to breast cancer research, which has a fairly good survival rate. Guess how many people are alive one year after a brain cancer diagnosis? Half. Only 25% make it to two years. My co-workers latest news?

“...wanted to let you know that my MRI on Wednesday indicated that there is a very strong chance that my tumor is growing back. We are waiting for a second opinion and then I'll likely undergo another craniotomy or resection in early December.”

It’s not fair. I just don’t know how else to put it. He does NOT deserve it. His wife doesn’t deserve it. His kids don’t deserve it. It’s just not right. And I don’t know what to say and I am not ready to say goodbye and what really sucks is that I am living somewhere where no one knows him so I don’t even get to talk about it to anyone. I get to sit home alone and cry about it and write about it on my stupid blog that no one reads. I hate cancer.

Sometimes, I am so lame...

After a week of entirely too much alcohol consumption, capped off with a stumble home at 3am where I proceeded to drunk dial all the major players – past and present – in my life, I have decided that I should probably erase some of the phone numbers that no longer belong in my cell. Sure, I could focus on not drinking so much, but its winter in Alaska and that’s just what you do here. But apparently, it is still dangerous for me to have certain phone numbers readily accessible after midnight. I know I should have deleted some of them long ago, but it’s harder than I thought it would be. I don’t think I’m still hung up on any of my exes, but I must be at least a little or it wouldn’t be so hard to let go. And that kind of sucks.

Cute fix

It beats coming up with something to post. And I just can't get enough of that friggin' bear!

I DON'T HAVE TO MOVE TO CANADA.....YET!

Obviously, I am quite excited about the outcome of the Presidential election, but this ain’t called Capital Cities Whine Monger for nothing!

Last night, while most of the country was busy voting Blue, I was in a state that was electing a convicted felon into the Senate. Seriously? No really, what does a politician have to do in this state to NOT get re-elected? Because I cannot explain it. Not even a little bit. And now, since he will obviously get kicked out of the Senate, I’m guessing that Palin will run in the special election that’s almost inevitable at this point. Sure, there is the slimmest possibility that Stevens could still lose once all the absentee ballots are counted, but it’s really not looking great.

Palin as Governor = annoying. Palin as Senator = scary-ass shit. It’s not quite move-to-Canada scary, but it sets her up for a 2012 bid and that is pretty terrifying. And it ensures that Caribou Barbie is going to do everything in her power to keep shooting down animals from helicopters, fuck up ANWR at her earliest convenience, and move the Capital to Anchorage (or even worse – Wasilla, the taint of Alaska).

So, thank you, my fellow Alaskans. Thank you for providing me with more blog fodder and keeping me up until 1am last night. Thank you for making this the second Reddest state in the nation (Oklahoma, you go ahead and hold on to your title for a few more years!) and reinforcing all those stellar Alaskan stereotypes.

Now if you don’t mind, I am going to try to ignore your unbelievably stupid voting habits and enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of victory. It’s been a long time since I actually had an election to celebrate and I plan on milking it as long as I can. I figure I get at least a few extra days because of the historical significance in this election.

Election Results

Vote! Vote! Vote!

I am starting to hyperventilate. I can’t concentrate at work and I think I have an ulcer. TOMORROW is the big day. Tomorrow, one way or another is going to be historic. And I am about ready to crap my pants in anticipation. I have been phone banking and blogging and putting up signs and wearing buttons for Obama since I was two months old it seems. Tomorrow could be like all of my favorite Christmases and birthdays all rolled into one or it could be as horrific as when I had to put my cat to sleep. I am going to be a nervous wreck tomorrow! Eek!!

On a quick side note, if you haven't watched McCain's appearance on SNL, you really need to. FUNNY stuff. I really like that man. If he hadn't picked a batshit crazy running mate, I don't even know if I would be all that worried about tomorrow.

Anyway, hopefully after this election, I can stop blogging about politics for awhile.

I know you are sick of politics, but I just can't help myself...

One week to go. In just one week, we will have elected a new President. And despite the poll numbers that should be putting my mind at ease, I am terrified of the outcome. I campaigned hard for a local election in 2004 that appeared to be close in the polls. My candidate lost by a landslide, and Bush was re-elected. The double-whammy hurtled me into a weeklong depression.

The stakes seem higher this time around. I have literally broken out in hives at the thought of Palin in the White House. Okay, so I think I just have really dry skin right now, but I am sure that it’s a direct result of living a block away from an abandoned Governor’s mansion that I pass every day on my way to work. That house just sucks all the joy and happiness out of me. Sometimes, I go out of my way just to avoid seeing it. I’ve also let my dog take a dump in the driveway and I purposely didn’t pick it up even though I had a bag in my pocket. Take that, Palin!

Before getting back to Juneau, I actually did some campaigning for Obama in northern Virginia. Even though I was closer to DC, they needed volunteers to go out to Manassas, so I did. I was shocked by how many racial slurs were dropped by otherwise unsuspecting little old white ladies. I am probably going to hell for telling one especially old biddy that I hoped she died before November 4, but that is a price I am willing to pay. I know that there is still a lot of prejudice out there, but I have never been more ashamed of my race than I was that day, standing on a civil war battlefield and seeing a lady that looked like she just came from church drop the n-word.

Then there is the Ted Stevens race. I really like his opponent, Mark Begich, but this state is dumb enough to elect an 84-year old convicted felon. There really is no way to explain Alaskan politics. Once you’re in, even prison can’t stop you!

So basically, I am just giving everyone a fair warning that if the country goes red next week, I am going to be a very unhappy camper and I am apologizing ahead of time.

OK, enough about politics!! Let me just leave you by saying that while I was looking for a picture to put up with this post and I stumbled upon the Freedom is Not Free calendar. How do I become the photographer for that organization?

And then I found this really weird comic that shows us what both Obama and Clinton would look like with Humpty Hump noses. So, now you know and you can scratch that burning question off your list.

Oh. My. God.

I don't understand some people. Have you ever seen Jesus Camp? I read Jesus Land by Julia Scheeres a few years ago and that was depressingly informative. But to see actual images from a sick-o bible-beater camp is one of the scariest things I have ever seen. I actually watched both Jesus Camp and The Cult of the Suicide Bomber this weekend and I don’t think I’ve had a more depressing weekend since Bush won his second election back in 2004. I don’t even know where to begin.

In Jesus Land, the pastors, or whatever they are called, start off by slamming global warming and evolution. Then they show very young children ‘examples’ of 7-week old fetuses, which apparently look like ity-bitty plastic baby dolls if you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Never mind that most women at that point are carrying something that looks like a jellybean in their womb, true Evangelicals immaculately conceive fully developed miniature people in their uteruses. Then they bring in a life-sized George Bush cutout so that the children at Jesus Camp can pray to him. And throughout the movie they repeatedly refer to how great of a leader Bush is.

The Cult of the Suicide Bomber takes a look at how Iran and Lebanon began using young soldiers as suicide bombers and how it changed the face of guerilla warfare. Did you know that the first known suicide bomber was a 13-year old boy?! The movie was done by a jaded ex-CIA agent that was working in Beirut back in 1983 when the American Embassy was bombed. It's a harsh look at what it is like to be raised in extreme Muslim countries. And the similarities between the two films is eerie. But I guess it makes sense. I mean, I feel that most religious extremists are going to sound somewhat similar. And I just don't understand why anyone that believes in a higher power would be so intolerant of other people. I just don't get it.

Seriously - don't hate!

So, I am addicted to Grey's Anatomy. I think it's reached intervention levels. I took some time off during season 4 because the writing absolutely sucked and I didn't agree with the show firing Isaiah Washington. Yes, he said fag or faggot or some other inappropriate slang word, but he also apologized and started meeting with a GLAAD spokesperson or something. Sure, he shouldn't have said what he said, but I know that I have said, 'That's so retarded!' or 'That's gay!' before without thinking and I would like to think that if I accidentally said that at work, I would not get fired. And I am sorry, but if you are going to fire someone for saying something stupid, fire them. Don't wait until the end of the season and make it look like all is forgiven and then fire them. That is just wrong. Plus, Cristina is my favorite character and after Burke left, her story line got lame.

My point is that I watch Grey's Anatomy and if you don't like that, well then you can just suck it, retard!

So, I was watching this weeks episode online since my TV died and I can't bring myself to drop the big bucks on a flat screen right now. And it could just be me, but I think that Ellen Pompeo has gained some much needed weight since last season. I mean, she is still scary skinny, but she doesn't look like a bobblehead doll quite as much now. And I want to know why she usually looks fine when I see pictures of her in People or US magazine, but when I am watching the show all I can think about is how washed out and homely she looks. I mean, can scrubs really make a person look that bad? My younger sister wears scrubs to work and she still manages to look cute, so I am pretty sure that is not the case. So I guess my second point is that ABC should fire their make-up artists, unless they are going for heroine sheik. And if that is really what someone is asking for, then they should be fired!

It's Always Sunny in Arizona!

I was in Anchorage all last week on business. So when I got into the office yesterday morning, I expected it to be a hellish Monday and I was fully expecting this week to drag by. Then I unexpectedly got asked to go to Phoenix next week. My job is still pretty new and I definitely didn't think that I would be doing much traveling. I mean, have you looked at airfare to or from Alaska recently? It's ridiculous. But in the last two months I've been up to Anchorage, over to Sitka, and now I get to go to sunny, warm, beautiful Phoenix. So, whatever I did to please the sun gods, please let me know what it was so that I can keep on doing it! And if the airline gods are listening, want to fill me in on what I have to do to get a window seat? 'Cause right now, I'm willing to do pretty much whatever. Juneau to Phoenix is a long way to go stuck in a middle seat...

Alaska is sorry!

A few hundred people showed up for Juneau's Anti-Palin rally this morning, which is a really good showing for a town this size.

I was really impressed with the  time some people put into making signs.
It was raining and chilly, but that never stops things from going on here. This guy was awesome.
If you aren't terrified of Palin in the White House, you aren't paying enough attention.

Anchorage also had a great Anti-Palin rally and I just hope that everyone knows not all Alaskans support McSame's horrible VP choice! We're sorry!!

Big Sigh...

Most people that live in Alaska enjoy winter. Most people that choose to move to Alaska are into skiing, snowboarding, hockey, snowshoeing, or some other cold weather activity. Most people see the snow starting to slowly climb down the mountains and start getting excited about steaming mugs of cocoa and the Northern Lights and all the tourists leaving.

I have never been like most people…

I hate to admit that I am not a huge fan of winter. I never learned how to ski and the last time I lived here I devoted all my time to snowboarding. And what a crap ton of wasted time that was! I hated every single, solitary minute of snowboarding and I vowed never to get on another snowboard as long as I live. I am going to try skiing this winter, but having a dozen 6-year-olds zipping by my fat ass on the bunny hill is something that I know I am not going to relish.

I joined the beginning women’s hockey league last time I lived here, but I realized that I really need to learn how to skate before I do that again. Plus, trying to get motivated to go play hockey at 10pm on a Tuesday is hard. The hockey leagues here get some pretty crappy ice times.

It’s going to take me a year or two to get used to Alaska winters again. This is the time of year I absolutely loved in DC. All the leaves bursting with color and that crisp, clean smell in the air. I drove up to Shenandoah both autumns I was in DC and it is a gorgeous time to visit. In contrast, the fifty deciduous trees in Juneau all turn yellow and then fade to brown. I think I have seen two trees that actually turned red or orange. Everything is wet, it starts to get dark earlier and earlier, and winter looms on the horizon – literally. The snow creeping down the mountains is a constant reminder that we aren’t going to see daylight for the next few months. Winter is not why I moved back to Juneau.

Clusterf*ck to the Whitehouse Continues...

Regardless of what the polls have been saying in the past week, I think that the Vice Presidential debates tomorrow night are going to have a huge impact on the election. My worst fear is the Biden won’t know when to shut the hell up and will be portrayed in the media as a pompous, sexist, know-it-all. The man is wicked smart, but long winded and at the same time unbelievably blunt. Plus, the spin surrounding this debate has pretty much assured the Republican Party ‘victory’ so long as Palin doesn’t drop a racial slur or rip off her shirt on stage. Expectations are so low, that if she forms complete sentences it will be considered a KO for Palin.

The other thing the keeps me up at night is the thought that the Republicans are continuing to out-strategize Democrats. If Palin does well, she finally gets some credibility. She’ll have a debate under her belt, some new confidence in herself, and her handlers can start loosening her leash a little bit. If she sucks ass, they could convince her to step down because of ‘family issues’ and fill her spot with Rudy Giuliani or Joe Lieberman. If there is one thing Republicans do well, it’s put the spin on bad decisions. (Anyone remember that there were zero Iraqis on board the planes on 9/11?) And if she gives a great concession speech and hits all her talking points - makes it clear she made this decision with her family, it has nothing to do with the press, McCain is a Maverick, blah, blah, blah – there could be a media firestorm, which spun the right way would be Republican gold. Bastards!

Oh Jon, how is it that you always know how to get me to chuckle, even when it is just oh so wrong?

The Birds

I have to admit, birds slightly scare me. But maybe that is because I was never exposed to a Backstreet Boy loving, headbanging cockatoo named Snowball. I'd probably have a completely different outlook on birds if I had. That is one kickass bird.

Working for the man

I’m supposed to be whipping out a grant right now but for whatever reason I have been procrastinating more than usual. I think it’s because once I finish I have to go back to trying to sell a product I don’t fully understand yet. That’s always fun. I hate sales. I am not good at it and with the economy in the shitter; constantly knowing that I am not meeting my goals yet makes me very nervous. Moving ate up all my ‘emergency’ money so that three month cushion I had in DC (which was more like a two month cushion) is not only gone, I have put some things on the dreaded credit card over the past few months. I’m not saying I am going to get fired next week, but it’s definitely a possibility in a year or so if I don’t start making some moolah. Anybody want to invest in Alaska Public Broadcasting?

We Want To Pump....YOU UP!!

Well, I finally joined the gym. Let's see how long it takes before something like this happens:

Tee hee

I lied.

Okay, I lied. I can't not blog during a presidential campaign season! Especially when there are so many dumb fucks out there to make fun of. Take Florida for example:



Florida, if you fuck up ANOTHER election, I hope global warming floods your entire fucking state and nothing is left above ground. Seriously.

Adios for now, bitches!

I'm taking a hiatus. I need to find my mojo.

How ironic that Republicans are calling Democrats hypocrites. I guess I would consider having kids with Jon Stewart too...

Hey Levi!!!

The only man I'd have children with is Stephen Colbert.

Forgetting about politics for the weekend...

Zoe is staring at the line I let fall into the water because I was too busy taking pictures of everyone. Oops. So I haven't been sailing in a while - sue me!

One of the nicest boats that went out this weekend was Seychelles. Here she is out in front of us.

Look at the helicopter on the back of this bad boy. Holy shit! I wonder what it's like to have more money than god?

Cap't B when it is sunny and nice out. Is that a smile?!

Zoe has got to be the most photogenic dogs ever. Seriously. Pint is cute, but I usually have to take about five pictures to get one good one. I have never seen a bad pictures of Zoe. Plus, she is the perfect sailing dog. She loves water, she doesn't get seasick and she stays out of the way.

Here We Go Again...

Ok, I am pretty liberal. And I am going to get political here, so if you are going to have a problem with that – well, that’s just too damn bad. Quit reading.

Last night, Obama’s Democratic acceptance speech was absolutely phenomenal. Not quite as good as the speech he made four years ago, but damn good. I fully admit that I am a big cry baby, but he made me cry nonetheless. And more importantly, he gave me hope. The last eight years have been brutal, and Obama is the most interesting politician I have seen since Feingold first ran for office. Do I agree with his stance on clean coal and nuclear? Hell no. But in a two party system, I don’t think there is ever going to be a candidate you completely agree with and you can either accept that or vote for some random Green Party candidate that doesn’t have a chance in hell. The point is that after Obama’s speech, I was revved up and excited about politics again.

Then McSame, er, McCain announced his VP running mate, Sarah Palin. You may be asking yourself, who? She’s the Governor of Alaska, silly! She’s been in office since 2006, how could you not know her? I just better not hear anything else from the Republican Party about Obama not having enough experience. Palin is younger and her only political experience comes from a state with less than one million residents. She has zero foreign policy experience. But she was the runner up in the Miss Alaska pageant in 1984, so I mean, that’s gotta count for something.

I am not a fan of Mrs. Palin. We don’t agree on many things politically. But unfortunately, I think it was a fantastic move on McCain’s part. She’s a woman, so she can potentially get some of the stubborn Hillary supporters. (Personally, I think that is total bullshit. Obama’s and Hillary’s voting records are SO similar. Voting for McCain just because you wanted a vagina in the White House is fucking dumb.) She is also young, which is something McCain obviously isn’t. Her oldest son is actually in the Army – and how many politicians can say that - and her youngest, born this past April, has Down’s syndrome. She’s got two built in audiences right there.

Alaskans also seem to really like her even though she is under investigation for illegally firing a police officer. (The officer sounds like a total douche, but he was also Palin’s ex brother-in-law and douche or not, I don’t think there was enough evidence to fire him. I think. I haven’t really been paying attention to that story because I don’t have a tv and to be completely honest, the story is boring.) But that story should be an easy PR cover-up, nothing major. Then there's the pregnancy rumors. (Seriously, this is Palin 6 months pregnant? Life is not fair.) They started almost as soon as Palin annoucned she was pregnant. Some people say Trig is actually her 16-year-old daughters. It's especially fishy since the last few months of Palin's pregnancy, her daughter was out of school because she 'had mono'. I've had mono, and I certainly didn't miss MONTHS of school, but I know it can be a beast and I feel like the facts would have been leaked by now if that story was true. So I highly doubt that will factor in at all over the next two months. And with the right media spin, she is going to be gold this election. And I am going to have to consider moving to Canada. Again.

Stupid f*$%*&g Computer Bulls%*&!!!

I’m sure some of you computer savvy readers – oh, who am I kidding? No one reads this shit. But I keep blogging anyway because I am that pathetic. Anyway, I feel that most technically savvy people have a Mac/PC preference. I am not technically inclined. I don’t know C++ from html. A blog – a basic, layout provided blog – is about as far as I go. But I grew up with Macs. I have probably used more PC’s in my ‘adult’ working life, but I like Macs. Plus, my new job will eventually require Photoshop or PageMaker. And I realize those can be used on a PC, but since I am in the market for a laptop and I know I will be using design software, I opted to get a Mac.

Who cares, you ask? Well, apparently the IT guy I work with. Even though I asked the president of our company before I bought the stupid thing, the IT guy is trying to tell me he will most certainly NOT support my laptop and that I am on my own with everything, blah, blah, blah. Great, just what I needed. To piss off the one IT guy without even meaning too. I already share an office with a complete douchebag, which is a post for another day, but now I have apparently broken some unspoken ‘Thou Shall Not Buy Mac’ commandment and this tool is going to be a royal pain in my ass from now on. If there is one thing I learned the hard way, it’s never piss off your IT guy.

Shopping Alaska Style

Juneau might have limited places to go shopping, it might rain a lot and seem incredibly isolated sometimes, but every once in awhile you stop and realize where you are living and you remember that no where else can you go to Costco and have a back drop quite like this.

Get Down With Your Bad Self!

This woman is 71?!?! Holy crap!! Yet another reason why I have to start doing Hip Hop Abs!

Lil' Sisters Tats

So, after thinking about it for all of a week or two, my little sister decided to get a small, tasteful, tattoo on her side. And as the 'cool' big sister, I'm the only one she's told about it in the family. Seeing as I have five tattoos, it would be safe to assume that I would be supportive. But all five of my tattoos put together are smaller than this monster. I actually think it looks pretty badass, but will it look good on a 40-year old mother of two? Hmmm....

Random Foliage - I really need a macro lens...

Team Hilton!

Paris Hilton responds and I'm ready to vote for her!

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

PS - Hahahaha!!

Brett really is following in Vinny's foot steps!!

God, would you please just shut up already?!

Brett, I have been faithful to you for a LONG time and even I am sick of you right now. There are about a billion ways you could have gotten your precious trade without having to fake a retirement. You’ve put the Packers in an impossible situation. And it’s all because we didn’t stoke your ego enough? Seriously? You are good, one of the best players ever, but this isn’t 1997 and let’s all be honest here - you aren’t what you used to be. You have one, maybe two more good years left. And if Tampa wants your interception record along with your touchdown record, they can have it. Give us our $26 million back. I think Rogers is going to be a good quarterback. Will he be as good as you? Probably not. But do we need all the endless drama going on during training camps? Hell no.

You will always be one of my favorite players. And you will always be the reason I got into football in the first place. But I don’t understand how you can be putting us through this. The team, the fans. We have passionately protected you and supported you for the last 17 years and this is what you do now? You could have gone out on top and truly been one of the greatest players ever. Now you will always be compared to Vinny Testaverde and George Blanda. Or maybe people will talk about you like they do about Michael Jordan or Sugar Ray – excellent players that didn’t know when to call it quits. I hope I am wrong. Even if that means rooting for a different team. I hope you come back for one year, where ever you end up, have an unforgettable season, and then call it quits. But unfortunately, I don’t see that happening.

Regardless of what happens, I am just sick of hearing about you. Sorry, but it's true.

Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait!!

Something to look forward to when Juneau weather is at its worst! That creepy kid is not only the perfect casting job, it's Ralph Fiennes newphew too! Perhaps sometimes nepotism is a good thing? Oh man, I can't wait for November! The only sucky thing is that I am not going to be near an IMAX this time around. I love the new director and I got to see Harry Potter 5 on the DC IMAX. SO much better than on a regular screen. Sigh. There are some drawbacks to life in Alaska...

Oh Wal-Mart...

This Friday, Pint and I FINALLY get to move into our new apartment! Thank god. I’ve been scoping out the house wares on craigslist, but it’s Juneau, so it’s pretty sad. But I did find a couple that is moving and they sold me all their kitchen stuff for $60. That’s plates, bowls, glasses, silverware, pots, pans, casserole dishes, a cutting board, a toaster – everything. Plus I also got a little vacuum and a couple vases. I don’t even want to know what that would have cost to buy new – even at Wal-Mart. That’s right folks, Juneau got a Wal-Mart since the last time I lived here!

I don’t know that I’ve ever actually been in a Wal-Mart. I’m sure I must have been in one a few times before on road trips or something, but it’s not a place I plan to make a habit of going to. I mean, if I am going to become dependent on something, crack sounds more appealing. I understand that Wal-Mart has brought some jobs to Juneau. And I also know that it is getting harder and harder to find a job in Southeast Alaska. But they are providing dead end jobs that don’t pay well, don’t provide good benefits, and don’t give employees much of a chance to move up the corporate ladder. Maybe one or two employees will be given an opportunity to manage a store, but of course that will require a move outside of Juneau. Then we lose another competent worker and the vicious cycle continues. I think I have more of a problem with Wal-Mart here than I do in the lower 48. It’s so much harder to support local businesses in such an isolated area, and a lot of people can’t afford to do it when a crappy t-shirt is sold a lot cheaper at the gigantic chain a few miles down the road. I wonder how long I am going to last before I buckle and rush off to Wal-Mart because I heard about their two-for-one special on pomegranates or tube socks or something…

Why so serious? Because Heath Ledger is dead, you idiot!!

I have liked Heath Ledger for years. I was a ‘movie critic’ for my college paper, and I found a review for The Four Feathers (2002) where this is what I said about Heath:

“Ledger, who took the role after Jude Law turned it down for A.I. Artificial Intelligence, does a prodigious job transforming his character from an affluent captain to a dilapidated nomad. Best known for his roles in The Patriot and A Knight's Tale, this role proves his most challenging and best delivered. Ledger's efforts do not save this movie from being mediocre though.”

Like most people, I went and saw Batman this weekend. And like most people, I was blown away by Heath Ledger’s performance. And after seeing almost every movie Ledger has ever been in, after seeing how immersed Ledger was in his characters, you get the sense that the Joker (and most likely his upcoming character in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus) definitely played a role in his death. And that sucks.

Wowza

I didn't go sailing once while I was in DC. Which is just wrong. This weekend I got out on the water AND I killed my first salmon. I have caught a few before and had someone else deal with the killing part, but I decided I needed to step up. It was the best dog salmon I've ever eaten. Dog salmon is actually my favorite, and shockingly to most people, king is probably my least favorite. Apparently I just like more oily fish.

Anyway, I cannot describe how utterly wonderful it is to be back near water. And have friends with boats. But the boats aren’t even necessary. Just being near the ocean again is fantastic. I’m taking a fly fishing class in a few weeks, and I found a sweet little fishing hole. Okay, okay, so I technically didn’t find it - someone just told me about it, but whatever. Now I have my very own hole. (Tee hee that was supposed to sound dirty…)

I would make a really bad homeless person...

So, I can't move in to my awesome new apartment until August 1, and I am basically couch surfing this entire month. Most of my friends have been incredibly generous with their space, but I feel bad imposing.

Anyway, I would definitely make a really crappy homeless person. How do people in Alaska do it? It's wet, it's often cold, there are bears. And it's not like if you are homeless you can afford to fly off to somewhere warmer. Thank god for my friends!

Juneau 4th

In Milwaukee, we have fireworks and hamburgers and sparklers for the 4th of July. Parks are decked out with flags and there are kiddie races and most neighborhoods have little parades. But we don't have a soap box derby. I never really thought about it before, but it's a big part of the Juneau celebration. And this being my first 4th of July in Juneau, I wanted to watch.

The races take place in Douglas, just across the channel from downtown Juneau. They block off a street and line it with tires. It seemed like half of Juneau turned out to watch.

It was awesome. Kids were crashing into the tires right and left. The reason there isn't a derby in Milwaukee is because I am sure the city is terrified of getting sued. But Alaskan kids are tough. They jump up and shake it off when they crash.

First Week of Work!

I managed to lose my camera cord and my computer doesn’t have an SD slot, so you’re just going to have to deal with it until I buy a new camera cord. Crappy timing since I just moved to frickin’ Alaska and everything is gorgeous. Good thing for you that I still have pictures from the last time I lived in Juneau. My job is going well so far, all two days of it. It’s going to be a lot more underwriting than I thought, which kind of stinks but at least I’ll be writing and at least I’ll be staying busy. I share my office with a total nutter, but I have headphones so it’s all good. It’s better than the cubicle-land I left behind. Since I don’t have much to complain about, I thought I’d leave you with some random thoughts from my first week of work:

· I’m listening to Dear Lover by the Foo Fighters right now and I forgot how much that song reminds me of Elliot Smith. God, do I love Pandora.
· Today is sunny and gorgeous and So You Think You Can Dance is going to lose out to sailing this evening, even though I am going to feel guilty about leaving Pint at home on such a nice evening. I’ll make it up to her with some cheese. I forgot how little TV I watched up here. TV is the devil. It’s more addicting than crack and it feels great to be watching less of it.

· My friends, Jorge and Miz, were both here this past weekend for a wedding. Normally, I am not a huge fan of weddings, but this one was the shit. Well, at least the reception was. I wasn't actually invited to the ceremony. Lucked out on that one! All I can say is that Catholic redheads that drink and swear and dance and drink some more are cool as hell. Period.
· My little sister is thinking about getting another tattoo. She’s only got one. (I have five. I’m way more badass, obviously.) She’s thinking about getting the Black Pearl. I think that is effing hysterical.

That’s all I’ve got. Enjoy your 4th bitches!

On the Road Again!

Door to door, I ended up going 4,006 miles. My car must think I was trying to kill her. She definitely has earned a rest.

She was way loaded down. The back of the car was practicially scraping on the tires and the check engine light was on for the last 2,000 miles. But we're in Juneau now so it's all good.

The Alaska Highway was by far the best part of the trip. The mid-west and most of Canada was just flat prairie, so it was such a great change of pace to get into mountains and start seeing wildlife. When I drove the highway in 2005, there was a lot more unpaved road, so it was also a nice surprise that we didn't run in to too many bad stretches.

I mean, come on! How can you not want to drive that?

MOOSE!

Pint was such a trooper. She was great. And she LOVED the buffalo. We also saw moose, bear, and even a LYNX, which I was stoked about, but Pint only had eyes for the buffalo.

And now I am home. Life is good.