OMG - Awesome!!

I was just talking about Nathan Fillion and today I stumbled across the gem. Best.Clip.EVER!!!

I saw this coming from a mile away...

Marzipan = BLECH!

I am going to hope that when KaDonk's mother commented, "Agree, agree, agree!!!" she was referring to the fact that mazipan is hella nasty and not the fact that her daughter may, in fact, be a slut...

Things On My Mind...

1. Nathan Fillion. I recently discovered both Firefly and Serenity. I don’t know why I’m always so late to jump on the bandwagon, but such is life. Anyway, I am absolutely certain that Nathan Fillion and I would be BFF if we ever met. Seriously, Nathan, call me.

2. Avatar. Like many people, I went and saw it in the theatre opening weekend. And then I went home and had a dream about shopping at WalMart with blue alien people. And that was kinda creepy. Like the time I had a soft-core sex dream about that hot 17-year old from Twilight. Also creepy. And hot. But more creepy than hot... So, yeah...um, actually I’d really just be okay with not having dreams about anything creepy anymore.

3. End of the Year Lists. Not only is New Years fast approaching, but we’re ushering in 2010 people. That’s right, we have to neatly list all the best and worst of everything. But wait!! Not only do we have to list things from this past year - we have to make lists for the entire last decade!! In all honesty, I love lists. Like, for example, a list of things that have been on my mind a lot lately...

4. People that unfriend me on facebook. I don’t know why I let it bother me. I guess my thinking is that if we actually hung out socially in high school, and you have 324 other friends, why are you unfriending me?! Fuck you, Steve. I mean, if the girl that I willed “a pliers to get the stick out of your ass” to in our senior wills can be my facebook friend, how the hell are you going to get all selective on me? I get that we weren’t bestest friends, but obviously I pissed you off at some point and I guess what really bothers me is that I have absolutely no recollection of doing it. And if I am going to piss someone off, I at least want a good story to accompany it.

Things that make my heart happy.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
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Hello? Is there anybody out there?

I know, I know. You’ve all missed me terribly and been wondering what I’ve been up to. Well, it’s quite simple, I decided to pull a Jorge and ignore my blogging responsibilities for a while. And it was nice. My life has been insanely boring lately so I didn’t want to dwell on all the dullness. I’ve finished some knitting:

Slippers for me.

And of course, a penis Chap Stick cozy for a Xmas present. I hope she doesn’t already have one…

Heroine Alert

Senator Diane Savino, you are my new role model.

Hamster jazz band

Give me these hamsters. Now. I need a toy for the kitty someone is about to get me for Xmas...

Give me this kitty. Now.

I'm going to die this is so frickin' cute.

Shit that cracks me up:

I don't know why but I can't get enough of this:

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

ROGUE: 1: vagrant, tramp 2: a dishonest or worthless person, scoundrel 3: a mischievous person, scamp 4: a horse inclined to shirk or misbehave 5: an individual exhibiting a chance and usually inferior biological variation (Source: Merriam-Webster)

Blah

First week back from vacation. Yuck. It’s dark by 4pm now and the snow is starting to creep down the mountains. I really wish I could get amped about winter. I try. My basic ice skating skills class starts on Friday. I joined a book club and a knitting group. Trap league starts after the holidays, same with the volleyball league I signed up for... I am trying. I wish I already knew how to ski because learning how to do something where you fall down a lot kind of sucks. Plus, it’s expensive. I wish I was just still on vacation.

Vacation Update

Days home: 7

Number of Chipotle visits: 1 - Not acceptable. Will be working on this number.

Trips to Target: 1

Mall expeditions: 1 - More than enough for one vacation...

Tourist-y type stuff: Went to the Harley Museum, big thumbs up. The Warhol exhibit at the art museum, nothing special. Saw Where the Wild Things Are on the IMAX screen - gave me nightmares.

High school friends seen: 6 (plus 3 babies, and 4 children)

Ex-boyfriends run into: 2

Money spent: Surprisingly little considering the Target trip.

Number of times I've been up before 9am: ZERO! 

Oh, what a laugh riot that will be!

Dear Japan,
What the hell is wrong with you? This is your idea of a fun prank? A sniper attack? Seriously?
Sincerely,
Kadonkadonk

I’m a gun toting Alaskan!

That’s right, I am now armed so don’t fu*k with me. Do you hear that, mice?! I bought a Remington 870 12-gague shotgun and I swear to God, if I see anymore mice I am going to start shooting. Ok, not really, but I am going to freak out. Last week I caught my first mouse and poisoned bombed the shit out of the rest of them. I don’t even care if they die in the wall and stink up the place, I just want those creepy little bastards to die. I can proudly say that I was able to deal with the dead mouse without too much screaming and gagging but it was just one of what I am assuming are many. Anyway, I haven’t seen any in a few days – or heard them in the walls for that matter – so maybe they are gone? Fingers crossed.

Back to my gun. It’s awesome. And scary. I didn’t grow up around guns. And I don’t hunt yet, so I am really not used to having a gun sitting around in my house. I don’t have any ammo, and I keep a safety lock on it, but it is still weird. I am trying to work my way up to duck hunting.

Step one: deal with a dead mouse. Check.
Step two: learn how to shoot. I joined trap again this year so I am working on that one.
Step three: watch someone else actually shoot a duck to see if I think I can handle it. Check. I haven’t actually gone yet, but the plans have been made. We’ll see.

I just can’t keep eating meat if I am not willing to be part of the food cycle. I don’t want to be one of those people that watch Food, Inc. and preaches to other people about how messed up the food industry is, but doesn't change anything about the way I get food. So, maybe next year, I will get a hunting license. Maybe.

Wedding Bells

Jim and Pam make me want to get married.

Mouse in the house

There is a mouse in my house. Probably mice plural, but I don’t want to think about that. Now, I have no problem with mice when they are outside or in a barn or tormenting elephants, but when they are in my house it is not cool. I put out some live traps, but those damn mice are smart little suckers and they didn’t work. So, now they must die. I have snap traps and poison creating mine fields throughout my entire apartment. And I am still getting nothing. I am not excited about dealing with a dead mouse, but I would much rather suck it up and deal with a trap then to live in constant fear of a mouse running out from under my bed and making me shriek like this dude.

I plan on getting Maui'd and Lei'd.

I'm going to Maui!! God, I love PFD sales.

Alaska schools kick major a$$

...yup, it was that kind of day

'Nuf said.

Why didn't I go to the U of Quebec?!

Makes me like both the Black Eyed Peas and Canadians a little bit more... not much though.

Kurt Cobain just shot himself in the head again

First guitar hero, and now this:

Ok, Jorge, explain to me how this is not selling out?

Will the real Forks, WA please stand up?

"The last time I was in Forks, it was the 4th of July and they had a float on a the back of a big flatbed truck of two loggers aiming shotguns at a spotted owl in a tree."

~ Alaska resident, 35

What is up with all the NFL doppelgangers?

Sure, everyone knows about the uncanny resemblance between Omar Epps and Mike Tomlin (probably because they are both pretty damn hawt - I mean, come on, who hasn't pictured making an Oreo sandwich with these two?) but what about the other NFL Coach look-a-likes?

I mean, you have Andy Reid and Mike Holmgren:

Ok, those aren't the best pictures, but trust me - they look a lot alike. And then there is my personal favorite, Lovie Smith and John Amos (specifically John from Coming to America).

Everytime I see Lovie, I just want to scream, "They got the Golden Arches, mine are the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick." It makes watching football even more awesome when you get to use Coming to America quotes.

How to kiss a woman like Captain Kirk

Works every time!

OMG - I WANT ONE!

Must.get.loris. (Did anyone else immediately think that it's even funnier because it almost rhymes with clitoritis?) Where do you purchase one? It's probably illegal and you have to steal them or get them off the black market from asshole poachers, but still, I want one...

Trick or Treat

I'm trying to decide what to be for Halloween. I have narrowed it down to the following:
If I was a guy, I'd totally go with this one:

And if I had a baby, you can bet your sweet ass they'd be dressed up like this:

And Pint is going to be rocking this one this year:

Say it. I dare you.

I am going to crotch punch the next person that tells me my cold might be swine flu.

This is why dogs attack:

And that was the least offensive one...

Aargh, matey.

Seriously, who does this shit?

Rainbow Brite Dragon?

I think the last one is supposed to be a chicken?

Oh my God, will you PLEASE let me be your friend?!?!

Anyone that knows me AT ALL, knows why I HAVE to find these people and become their BEST FRIEND.

Me, me, me!

My yummy blueberry jam was the first half of my Christmas presents for this year. My goal was to knit something for everyone in my immediate family too, but it is taking forever and I go home in October, so I doubt I'll get through everyone on my list. So far, I only have two hats done.
I'm kind of sick of knitting presents. I want to make something for ME.

I miss the old skool

It took these guys 1500 hours to make this. It would have taken me 1500 hours just to make one frigin' Koopa.

I don't get it.

So, what's the big deal about this? My friend Julie and I do this kind of shit all the time. It's not like it's hard...

The "Real" Avatar Movie

This is the movie that is going to change the way movies are made? What do you think?

The Devil in Disguise

Ah, football season, how I've missed you so.

Holy crap - a M. Night Shyamalan movie I actually want to see!!

I was reading about the new James Cameron movie, Avatar, this morning. Stories about this stupid film are all over the Internet today. I wanted to see what all the sci-fi freaks were going ape shit for but the trailer is not out until Friday, and even then only 'select' audiences will get to see it. But fortunately for me, Avatar: The Last Airbender has a very similar title and there are previews of that movie all over the web and surprise, surprise - the trailer actually looks GOOD. Plus, Dev Patel (that kid from Slumdog Millionaire) and Jackson Rathbone (I know, I know, enough with the Twishit - but it's hard to go cold turkey) are both part of the cast.

I don't get why Cameron is trying to be so secretive about his stupid alien movie. I never get why studios try to keep everything on lockdown. I am now way more excited about The Last Airbender than I am about your post-Titanic 3D alien shit. Sure, Sigourney Weaver is awesome and I will probably end up liking the movie. But you'd get a lot more people excited if you weren't so selective about who gets to see it. Plus, why would you bill your film as something that could 'change movie making forever'? Isn't that kind of setting yourself up for failure? Cuz I am expecting a LOT now and I would have been just plain excited about seeing a potentially good movie if you weren't hyping it up so GD much.

Happy Monday

Note to Self

There is a reason your last name isn't O'Malley and you don't have red hair. Remember what happened the first time you tried to dye your hair red?
Also, the next time you have a hair dresser that apparently idolizes Elvira, just walk away. Just walk away, KaDonk...

Ugh. I am sick of thinking.

In an effort to stop thinking about health insurance and the economy, I have decided to simply post inappropriate shit I find on the Internet while I am supposed to be working. It sure beats actually accomplishing anything. And if anyone finds this gum in a real store, it is now required that you send me some.Ditto with this awesome flashlight:
I'm expecting a lot from your comment to this post, Becca. Don't let me down. Camel balls and an alien dildo. I don't think I could have given you any better material.

I am not funny.

In the last week, it has been brought to my attention not once, but twice that my blog no longer has the shits and giggles tone it once did. Well, to all you haters out there, I've got three words for you:

You. Are. Right.

It is not easy being witty all the time. Apparently, I have been placating my blogging urge with posts about Twilight and knitting. I know, I know. I am sorry. I understand I am not 12-years old (ie - enough with the Twi-shit) and I am not 80 either, so I will try to keep the knitting blah, blah, blah on Ravelry...

However, I have also accepted the fact that I am *gasp* not that funny. So if you are looking for funny, visit The Onion. I don't think I ever claimed to be funny. This blog is clearly meant to be about whining and bitching, things I know I am good at.


Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon

Dear FOX,

You suck ass. And for once, I am not even complaining about your horrible news coverage. I don't get why I can watch full episodes of 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?' (srsly?) but not only do you refuse to post episodes of So You Think You Can Dance, you also get your lawyer Nazis to pull clips off YouTube almost immediately. Do you not want people to see your show? I mean, how much frickin' money are you making off (the Emmy-award winning) show and the tour each season? Obviously enough to warrent a special fall season of SYTYCD. Must you really deprive people of being able to see Jeanine's killer final solo on YouTube? If anything, being able to watch the best routines online will actually attract more viewers. What the hell is wrong with you people? I mean, other than you being total douchebags...

This is not nearly as awesome as her dance last night, but you get the idea:

Blueberries. My favorite berry.

Every summer I say I am going to make blueberry jam because it sounds like a fun Alaskan kind of thing to do. I finally got around to at least picking the berries yesterday. Berry picking is not as boring as I was expecting. In fact, it’s kind of addicting. Other than freaking myself out about being attacked by a bear, it was nice being out in the sun and doing something kind of mindless.

Then I started trying to clean the blueberries. Let me assure you, making jam is not going to become a hobby of mine. Pulling fruit worms out of blueberries one at a time is really, really boring. And kind of gross. Ok, really gross. I didn’t realize that wild blueberries had fruit worms. They are tiny little inch-worm looking things that you have to soak out of the berries. And some of them die before they get completely out so you have to go through the berries one at a time and pull worms out of probably a third of them. Yuck.

My goal was to make jam and knit something for everyone in my family this year for Christmas. Well, I have been slacking on my knitting and now I’m grossed out by making jam. Making your own gifts, I have decided, is way over rated. Thank God for gift cards.

Yo quiero my dog to live forever

The Taco Bell chihuahua died today. She was 15. Reading about her death made me unexpectedly sad. My awesome chihuahua/pug turned 15ish last Friday. She is a pound puppy, so I am not exactly sure how old she is but I think they might have overestimated her age. At least, I hope they did. She still gets around really well. I mean, I know she is old, but she doesn't act 15. Maybe it is just that I cannot fathom her dying any time soon. I have literally had dozens of nightmares about that since I got her. I am not ready for it. When I heard the news about Gidget (the Taco Bell dog), I had a little chat with Pint (my dog) and we've agreed that she is going to be just fine for at least another 2.5 years. So at least I don't have to worry about that for awhile yet...

Food, Inc.

Last night, I went and saw Food, Inc. and left depressed and convinced that I will never eat pork, beef, chicken, soy, wheat, or corn again. I am going to live off organically grown nuts and the chard in my garden. That’s it. Oh wait, nuts have to fly too far to get to Alaska, so scratch those. Can a person survive off chard, turnips, and chives? That’s all I was able to grow this year. Damn.

Ok, so obviously my plan won’t work. But it is truly sick how much power and control a few mega-corporations have over our entire food supply. Sick. I wanted to literally throw something at the screen when they started talking about Monsanto. According to their website, “Monsanto is an agricultural company. We apply innovation and technology to help farmers around the world produce more while conserving more.”

Help farmers, my ass. Moe Parr really appreciated all your ‘help’ when you sued his ass and forced him to retire after 50 years in the seed cleaning business because he couldn’t afford his legal fees anymore. I felt horrible for this man. That part of the movie made me cry. It is just.not.fair.

Monsanto genetically modifies soybeans – the seeds – so that they wouldn’t die from pesticides. And because they’re genetically modified, Monsanto can legally patent their seeds and sue any farmer that saves those seeds from one year to the next. Monsanto soybeans account for some astronomical percentage of all soybeans grown in the US. If you are drinking soymilk, tofu, yogurt, or edamame chances are you are eating their product.

So, maybe you are thinking, why don't they just buy non-patented seeds? Well, that is exactly what some farmers do. But you better hope your neighbors don’t have Monsanto seeds either. One farmer was also sued because Monsanto seeds blew into his field. Seriously. Farmers are so in debt producing heavily subsidized crops for monopolies that require certain farming ‘standards’ that their hands are tied. If the only corporation buying soybeans is Monsanto and you are a soybean farmer, what are you going to do? If you only make $18,000/year how are you going to fight a billion dollar company?

Food, Inc. also goes in to meat production, the evils of corn, and the industrialization of the food industry. It was absolutely appalling watching some of the egregious ethical violations some mega-companies don’t think twice about.

Thank God there are still people like Joel Salatin. I wonder if he has a 30-something son that I could marry? Food, Inc. made me realize how much miss doing environmental work. I’m not leaving Juneau anytime soon, but I think eventually that is going to be what gets me. I wish there was a way to do really meaningful national work from a really beautiful rural area. It sucks that you either have to give up nature or career. I love my job, but it’s not my passion.

Just Dance

This is my favorite new couple, the best new choreographer (and one of my favorite former dancers), and it was definitely the most well danced routine last night. Jeanine is my favorite female dancer and I’m really hoping people will see through Kayla’s way over-hyped dancing and keep Jeanine in the show. If you watch this clip and don’t want to be a dancer, then this show obviously isn’t for you. I absolutely adore it and every year I say I’m going to start taking dance lessons. I never do, but wouldn’t that be awesome?

Anyway, here’s what I am hoping happens:
Melissa, Jeanine, Janette – Top 3 Girls
Brandon, Ade, Jason – Top 3 Boys
That would be the best Top 6 ever!

Reason #247 why I need a better camera.

Just last week I was telling someone how humpbacks no longer impress me as much as they used to. I mean, it's still exciting to see one, it's just such a common occurrence up here that it is no longer this heart stopping 'Oh-my-God' moment.

Apparently, the humpbacks got wind of this comment and decided to remind me of why they are so frickin' awesome.

My crappy point-and-shoot just isn't cutting it anymore. It's really frustrating when you run into about 20 humpbacks bubblefeeding and some of them even jump completely out of the water and this is all that you can get on film.

They got so close to the boat that I was a bit nervous. Humpbacks are HUGE. HUGE! They can weigh up to 75,000 pounds! Normally, I'm far enough away that I don't grasp just how big they are, but when 20 of them are surfacing 25 yards away from the 1,000 pound little boat you're in - well, that is pretty gosh darn impressive.

Unfortunately, it's going to be awhile before I have enough money to buy a better camera. But it is definitely on my must-have-eventually list now.

I Heart Books

I can’t hate Twilight. I can recognize the argument that Bella is not a good role model for young women, but anything that got me knitting can’t be all bad. Plus, the reason I now get to read advanced copies of library books is because I knew my way around a young adult novel, and that is in part due to Twilight.

However, I do have a problem recommending Twilight to younger girls. There are quite a few things that I absolutely hate about the story. Why, why can’t there be a good teen fantasy with a strong female role model?

Wait! Don’t fret my four readers - I think I found just such a book! I was rooting around in the back of the library and found some books that were a few months older than the rest that hadn’t been reviewed yet. On a whim, I decided to go for those books. And boy am I glad I grabbed them!

Graceling, by Kristin (and she even spells it correctly!) Cashore has received my highest recommendation to date. And I don’t say this lightly but I think this book is a stepping stone to authors like George R. R. Martin and Guy Gavriel Kay. The heroine, Katsa, is strong and self-sufficient and intelligent. And the main male character is completely fine with that! A man that respects and admires a strong woman? Gasp! Graceling should be required reading for any girl that reads Twilight!

Independence from Palin Weekend Extravaganza

With so much to celebrate this weekend, it was hard to know where to begin. The sailing club had a float in the 4th Parade. Here's Fletch helping out with the decorations:
Commodore Lieb mastering the art of the hula hoop, always a good time:

It was a sailing club float, so of course, I am on a boat:

I'm not really sure what hula hoops have to do with sailing, but I really can't imagine life without them.

It was also an amazing weekend to go fishing. We threw out some crab pots and didn't catch anything but this ginormous sea star. (Remember kids: Starfish are NOT fish!! They are SEA STARS.)

Even the whales came out to celebrate our liberation from the Palin administration!

Both humpbacks:

And orca:

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty spectacular weekend.

Don't call them lumberjacks!

Ladies throwing axes. Awwww yeah!

Gold Rush Days is basically a Republican/Union/Pro-Industry extravaganza. Pro-mining rhetoric and death-to-environmentalists literature galore! It kinda sucks that every.single.sign was so political because I don't think it always comes down to blue v. red - but what the hell do I know?

They are loggers, not lumberjacks, FYI. And it is pretty impressive what you can do with a chainsaw.