Thursday, July 22, 2010

Smarty Pants

I was having dinner with some friends the other night and I can’t remember how the topic came up but at some point we began talking about what we’d do if we had one wish. And I said that sometimes I think I would wish to be dumber. Sure, there are times – plenty of times – when I wish I had more money, or that I weighed less. There are times when I am less selfish and would use a wish on peace, or better universal health care. I’m sure that if I was ever actually granted a wish I’d use it on the environment, but that’s not the point of those kinds of conversations. ‘What-would-you-wish-for’ conversations are to indulge in a fantasy world and be completely selfish.

And I wish I were dumber.

Everyone looked at me like I was crazy and as the conversation continued, it because clear that I was the only one that had ever thought that before. I know I am smart when I choose to be but I can be incredibly lazy. I’ve heard about my ‘potential’ my entire life. Sometimes I feel the weight of that wasted potential crashing down on me. I think about how if I had applied myself at all, I could have been a biologist or a CIA agent or an epidemiologist. I could have been making a difference. Instead, I spent yesterday watching Up at work. (Super adorable movie. I said I wouldn’t cry but was crying less than 12 minutes into it. Thank God I have my own office.)I don’t mean to sound conceited, but I am too damn smart to be wasting my life mailing out membership reminders and writing $5,000 grants. It just seems so daunting at this point to go back to school, especially since I have to pay for car repairs by dog sitting. I thought that by this point in my life I would have accomplished something. At least if I had an IQ of 75, I probably wouldn’t be aiming any higher.

2 comments:

Ojibirish10 said...

You make my day with this shit, just so you know.

radioactive girl said...

I totally get this. And I love that you said that. Seriously, I'd like some excuse to be lazy or not aim high. Instead of the guilt I normally have when I take the easy way for something I should be working harder at.