Thursday, July 29, 2010

F*&$ing Rant of the Day

Admittedly, I am in a bad mood. I was woken up at 3am and then again at 5am by the ancient pugs I am dog sitting, and yet I still had a fresh pile of shit to deal with when my alarm finally went off. I’ve been going home every day at lunch time to let them out and there has been an accident every.single.time. My life for the next two weeks is going to consist of cleaning up dog pee and smelling like dog pee. I have pretty much accepted this fate. I mean, they are old. They can’t help it. I just have to keep reminding myself that I need new brakes. Plus, I mean, I am doing it already – it’s not like I can back out at this point.

BUT, everyone in Juneau is acting like an asshole today. I HATE driving downtown during the summer. Tourists are the dumbest pieces of shit sometimes. Note to my three readers: if you are ever on vacation try to keep in mind that people actually live there. No matter how beautiful the place may be, unless you are actually in Disneyland, it is not fucking Disney! Sidewalks are there for a reason, the street is not just a really wide wheelchair accessible walkway for you to mosey along at your own pace. Yes, some people may even drive there!

And there must be something in the water today because Juneau drivers were out in spades to compete for the title of biggest douche. I already know that most people born and raised in Juneau can’t drive worth shit. (My theory is that people who live in rural areas never learn how to drive.) Downtown Juneau is teeming with one way streets, no left turn intersections and dead ends. Today, everywhere I went some asshole was going the wrong way down a one way, illegally parked blocking the entire fucking street or blowing through a stop sign like the extra three seconds you gain from that might actually matter. It’s Juneau, for fucks sake. There are 40 miles of road total and virtually nothing out passed mile 20. What’s the damn rush?

Tonight all I have to look forward to is going back to a dirty-ass housesit and cleaning up dog poop, which means I am going to stay in this bad mood for the foreseeable future. (Seriously, I am messy, but there is a big difference between messy and dirty and if I’d rather shower at the gym than at your house, it’s dirty, not messy. Also, who leaves a house sitter dirty dishes, a full trash can and piles of junk all over every available surface? I had to wash a plate for dinner. There are even stacks of stuff on the stove top. I had to move them to turn on the burner. And it wasn’t a potholder or something, it was Ziploc baggies and a phone book. Really?) Maybe tonight I’ll get more than 5 hours of sleep at least…

4 comments:

Ojibirish10 said...

Dude. Next time I'm in Juneau I'm a totally gonna hang out in the middle of the road sporting some obnoxiously overpriced tourist airport t-shirt with a giant fanny pack hanging off my ass balancing a 20 pound camera in one hand just to snap a picture of you cursign me as you drive by. As for the dirty house, eeewwwwww, gross. But thanks for the smiles, as usual!

Michael5000 said...

Other than that how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

Anonymous said...

*sigh*...I miss Juneau. I also miss you smelling like pee. Those were the days...

moondog said...

if the dogs don't normally shit in the house when their masters are home, they're basically telling you they hate your guts. i had a roommate whose dog would always shit in his bed when he didn't come home in time for her tastes. i personally found it hilarious but he had a different opinion for some reason...