So this happened.

Unemployment is pretty awesome. Unless I start thinking about money and then I want to cry. You'd think I have plenty of time to blog without a job, but I just haven't been able to motivate. I am so incredibly ready to get back to work. But I think I have been enjoying my time off. I took a road trip down to Kansas City, I've had time to hang out with my family a lot, AND I got to swim with manatees. Yeah, it was as awesome as it sounds. Up next, one last trip to KC for Christmas and then back to Alaska where I finally get to start working again.

Karma

I think I am a decent person. Sure I occasionally lie and I took some pens from my last job, but who hasn’t done that? And maybe I drink too much and perhaps I’ve been smoking lately but my destructive behaviors really only affect me. I’m sure everyone thinks of themselves as a good person. Even Jeffrey Dahmer probably thought he was somehow doing a good thing by hacking people up and keeping them in his refrigerator. But I put spiders outside instead of killing them. And even though I have been looking for a job all year, when I interviewed for a position that was right up my roommate’s alley, I told them she would be a better fit, which resulted in her getting the job. I volunteer. I try not to be mean, I hang out with people I don’t even really like sometimes because they seem lonely. When I have disposable income I donate money to charity. I hold doors open and I try to be polite.

So why is karma being such a bitch to me this year? Seriously.

It’s been almost a year since I got laid off. I am trying to stay optimistic because I know it could be a lot worse but right now I am substitute teaching for the fall. That is fun. And by fun I mean horrible. Money wise, things are getting semi-scary and subbing really doesn’t pay very well. But at least it’s marginally better than unemployment. And my roommate, the one that landed the job I told her about, just informed me that she is moving about because she ‘needs a cat right now.’ I was hoping to persuade her to stay until January because it’s a lot easier to find a roommate that time of year but she can’t wait 10 extra weeks for a cat. Because God knows, cats are hard to come by.

And to top it all off, the guy I have been dating and totally falling for during the last six months just told me that he is moving to Kansas City. In a month. I haven’t liked a guy this much in literally years. And after a minor freak out on my part right at the beginning, which I blame on the fact that I haven’t been so into someone for so damn long and it sort of scared the crap out of me, things have been going about as close to perfect as I’ve ever gotten in a relationship. Ever. But he got a really great job offer in fucking Missouri and apparently it’s too good to pass up.

I must have been a huge asshole in my past life.

Bear with me...

I know I haven't blogged in forever. Honestly, there isn't much going on right now and I haven't been feeling like it. You're bummed, I know. The only things I have to talk about right now are:

1. I just found out I am going to be an aunt. FINALLY. It is going to be a bit difficult to win the Best Aunt Evah Award living 3,000 miles away from the new arrival, but I will figure out a way. I'm counting on the fact that we might end up sharing a birthday. My sister is due the week before my birthday, but since babies are never on time, well, sometimes, I am going to have a little chat with this one and try to arrange a duel birthday for us.

2. Harry Potter is finished. I saw it in 3D and regular D. It was my first 3D experience and I have to say, I'm not a fan. I hope this is just a craze and we can all go back to normal soon.

3. I ran into this guy yesterday. I was a bit closer than I would have liked, but he seemed pretty happy with this fish so I wasn't too worried. Living here never gets old.

Zip lining in Hoonah!

I went with a bunch of friends to Hoonah last weekend. They have the longest zip line in North America - over a mile long. I don't really get scared at things like zip lines. I've been sky diving before and that definitely was more nerve-wracking. But just because you aren't afraid to do something doesn't make it any less fun.

Crap.

After trying and mostly failing to adjust to a significantly smaller budget this year, I was excited when I woke up this morning knowing my first paycheck since April 26 was waiting for me in my bank account. Then I remembered that I’ve been living off savings, which is down to $287 and that I managed to add an entire zero to my credit card statement in the last three months. I think the rest of the day will be mostly about binge eating and beer. At least I am getting better about whoring myself out for drinks.

I went and saw Bridesmaids last weekend. It was good - there were definitely parts that made me laugh out loud. But it hit a little bit too close to home in some spots. It takes place in Milwaukee and it’s about a woman who has lost her job and has no money and has a pattern of sleeping with douchebags and all her friends are getting married. Umm, that sounds eerily familiar. I wish my life was more like Hollywood and could work itself out and get back on track in two hours though. I keep thinking that if I can just hang in there a little bit longer, something will go my way and I’ll land this amazing job and everything will be even better than it was before. In December I told myself that if I just sucked it up for one session something great would open up. Now I am trying to convince myself that if I can just make it to next session, of course I’ll get a 'real' job. In my mind I keep thinking that I just need a little more face time with people. I don’t know if I am being optimistic or naive. I guess I am not giving myself enough credit. I have already secured a better job for next session, but it's not the job I really want. It's a step up so at least there is that, but it's still only a temporary job. I want to stay positive. I know I complain a lot, but that’s sort of how I deal with stuff. I think that overall, I am not a horribly negative person although it's been hard to 'keep my chin up' ever since I got laid off.

Sad Panda

I didn’t cry when the guy I have been hanging out with left. I think part of me actually thought we would continue to see each other, which in hindsight is just so silly. We hardly even dated. It is not rational to start a long distance relationship with someone you barely know. But I am not going to lie, when I found out that he has been hitting on my girlfriend, I totally had a good cry last night. Logically, I know I have no reason to be mad. But it’s so much easier to be mad than to feel hurt and jealous. We didn’t talk about the future and he owes me nothing. Hell, I’ve already fooled around with a pilot. And it is petty of me to ask her not to date him. They live in the same city and I am 700 miles away. Besides, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. It's as simple as that.

But everyone dates in the same circles up here, especially in my work environment. And I guess that is something I hadn't dealt with yet. So this was actually a good lesson for me to learn early on. Don't casually date people you work with because you can't escape them up here. They are both great people. If they start dating, it will be awkward to hang out with them but I am a grown up so I will suck it up and do it. I am kind of hoping they don't though because I know that this girl is totally smitten with someone else. It would just make me sad to know that her rebound is someone I really like. And honestly, I don’t think they did anything other that flirt, so I am being a crazy borderline stalker right now. But hearing that made me realize it doesn't matter who it is, he is obviously moving on. If it's not her, it's just going to be someone else. I guess at least now I know where I stand and I can stop being pathetic.

Rambling Jumbled Thoughts

I never really thought about it, but Hollywood doesn’t exaggerate when it comes to commercial airline pilots. I don’t know if it’s the uniform or the fact that you know and they know they are leaving so there is no accountability. But they definitely live up to their reputation. And no matter how much a pilot may look like Anderson Cooper, he’s not going to take your mind off the boy you are really thinking about. Lesson learned.

My summer job is a joke. I give tours of the capitol building. Nobody comes up to Alaska to tour the capitol. They come up for whale watching cruises or dog mushing rides. But my job pays way better than those other touristy jobs and I know I won’t have to work much. I don’t feel like busting my ass since it could be my last summer in Juneau.

And, God do I hope it’s my last summer doing this shit. Meaning, I really, really want a job that requires at least one ounce of actual thinking each day. What do I have to do to get a real job?! I got another 2 rejection letters today. One actually said, “Priority was given to a person who was born and raised” in Alaska. At least they were honest about it for once. I am so sick of trying to break into this stupid ‘Alaska Club’. Excuse me for not being born here but I can’t believe you are hiring a 23-year old with no experience over me just because I wasn’t born in Fairbanks.

Part of my problem is I have started being picky. I have turned down three jobs so far this year. I just want to like my next ‘real’ job. Is that really such an unrealistic goal? All of the jobs I turned down would have been cubicle hell and I would have been looking for something else within a year. I thought the economy was supposed to be improving. It sucks being so close over and over again.

And finally, WebMD is not a good website to go to when you can’t sleep. In fact, I think there should be a way to ban it from my computer. I am going to die from about 27 different obscure and awful diseases within the next year. Fuck.

Ice Cream & People Magazine

My summer is going to be pretty dull. Especially after the last few months. Juneau is a land locked capital, which means now that the legislative session is over all my new wonk friends are scattering throughout the state and I have no idea when I will see them again. Probably not until next session and that doesn’t start until January. And that is assuming I can manage to get a job in the capitol building, which is most definitely not a guarantee. As everyone floods out of Juneau, I am lamenting the loss of my much improved social life. I might be just about the only person that worked in the building that is not looking forward to the interim.

Session ending also means my new gentleman friend left this morning. I keep trying to tell myself that at least the session was extended this year and I got to spend three extra weeks with him. I also keep telling myself that I am continuing to plug away at jobs in this field so the odds are our paths will eventually cross again. That doesn’t change the fact though, that I have to sleep alone now. It is amazing how fast you can get used to sharing a bed with someone. I went into it knowing it was only going to be a short term thing but that doesn’t mean I can’t be sad about it. At least for a few days. I’m giving myself a carton of Tillamook Mint Chocolate Chip and People's Will & Kate wedding special to wallow and then I’m moving on. It doesn’t help that I have a mind-numbingly boring summer job that doesn’t start until Thursday and very little else going on to keep my mind off of being lonely. At least it is summer in Juneau which means that while I may be bored, I can still take hikes after work or fish or go out on a boat. There are worse things.

Love and Hate

Things that really bug me:
1. Sheets. I mean, I have a fitted sheet on my bed obviously but I hate the feeling of tucked in sheets. I like getting into a messy bed with a big fluffy comforter and burrowing into it.
2. Not being able to give 1/2 stars on Netflix. I don’t know why this bugs me so much, but really, how much is that to ask?!
3. Olives. Every.single.kind.
4. Dogs that jump on you. I don’t care what breed, 20 pounds or 200 pounds that shit is not cool.
5. Elizabeth Moss. She’s on Mad Men and I know some people think she is pretty but I don’t really see it. I want to like her because I absolutely loved West Wing, but I find her kind of annoying.

Things I Heart:
1. Forehead kisses. And just making out in general really. I’ve been seeing someone and I absolutely love the beginning of a relationship when you just make out for hours and can’t stop thinking about that person. When none of their annoying habits annoy you yet and you fall asleep tangled up together and haven’t moved when you wake up. Unfortunately, this guy is moving soon and I have no idea what is going to happen. But for now, I will take the kisses and not worry about the rest.
2. Friday Night Lights. I just finished watching the last season and am bummed out. I was hoping Mad Men would replace it, but it’s just not the same. (See #4 above)
3. Chai.

My mom kicks ass.

I have been sick forever. And by forever, I mean I'm going on day 8. I get sick about twice a year and I am the biggest whiny baby when I am sick. Today, I was coughing on my couch feeling sorry for myself when the mail came. My mom mailed me a can of chicken noodle soup, a box of Kleenex and a bunch of magazines. I almost started to cry. My mom is pretty effing awesome.

Last Night

Even though the news out of Wisconsin is depressing, Alaska is still awe inspiring enough to get me out of a funk. I haven't seen the Northern Lights in years, but they were out last night in full force. This is not my photo because my camera sucks but my friend took this shot last night. It's the same glacier as the photos in the last post. It was wicked cold out but I stuck it out to enjoy a sight that always lifts my spirits no matter how bad of a mood I might be in.

4 Day Weekend

Since my new job started, I've been working a lot. Even some weekends. So when I found out I was getting a four day weekend, my plan was to clean my apartment and do my laundry and take out the recycling and all that other fun stuff I've been letting pile up. But then the sun came out and it warmed up to 30 degrees, something we haven't seen in awhile up here. What's a girl to do? Screw the cleaning, I decided to get outside!
I live right near a glacier. Glaciers are beautiful. The ice caves around the glacier are spectacular. Nothing beats enjoying a Vitamin R while soaking up some Vitamin D.
Since I decided not to clean, I figured I could take some time to hike out to one of my favorite cabins. What can I say? The sun makes me happy.
It's staying light out until after 6 p.m. now. Spring is in the air regardless of how much snow is on the ground. This is my favorite time of year in Juneau. I may not know what I am doing once my job ends yet, but it's hard to dwell on the scary stuff when you are outside enjoying nature!

Dinner!

I’m working with a bunch of young people right out of college. They all grew up in Alaska. One of the biggest differences between kids that grew up in Alaska and the rest of us? When I was living off ramen, I’d fancy it up by adding some mushrooms or onion. Or sometimes when I was getting really crazy, an egg. Today I discovered that kids up here add king salmon or crab to their ramen. It makes sense, but damn.

If you can read this, thank a teacher!

Both of my parents are public teachers. They work late into the night grading papers and creating lesson plans. They deal with limited supplies, classroom size that grows every year, little respect, classroom fights, budget cuts and kids that come from unbelievably sad backgrounds. They do it because they love to teach. They want to make the world a better place. They love kids. They certainly didn't become teachers because the pay was so amazing. If you hate unions, do your own electrical work, put out your own fires, teach your own kids, police your own communities, staff your own jail, work your own steel, build your own car. Walk a mile in the shoes of a working class union family. Sure, some people slack off and abuse the power of a union, but that is not the norm. And it is not the reason Wisconsin has a budget deficit. And whatever you do, don't talk shit about my parents (or public school teachers in general) or I will hurt you. I went to an inner city public school my whole life, don't think I can't fuck a bitch up. But I also got a damn good education.

Hello!

Normally, I get about 12-15 blog visitors each day. However, my NFL doppelganger posts generate more blog traffic. Especially on game days. Hello, Super Bowl! None of those visitors are going to come back to read about my super awesome life, which is their loss, but it was pretty awesome to see such a huge bump in traffic. Sure, it totally went to my head and I felt super popular for one day. But who wants to be popular anyway?

Calories don't count on your birthday

Happy birthday to me! I ate cheese curds for breakfast. No, I am not starting Atkins. My awesome parents sent me a birthday/Super Bowl care package with cheese curds, Leinenkugels and Packers paraphernalia. I finished off the cheese curds today. Which means I officially ate one pound of cheese in just under 72 hours. I also ate left over cream cheese frosting for breakfast. The cake was gone days ago. Technically that probably counts as even more cheese. I think my goal is to surprise even myself with how much food I can consume in one day. I am off to a good start.

Dirty Sanchez

I will deny this if it is ever brought up in front of my parents or any of my family/friends in Wisconsin, but I was kind of hoping for a Bears/Jets Super Bowl. Of course, Sanchez sucks and that was never going to happen, but nothing makes me more homesick than trying to watch a Packers game in Juneau. I feel like I have a lot of friends here, but I would say I only have a handful of really close friends. I am completely fine with that. I would much rather have a few really close friends than a ton of not so close ones. But I have watched every single NFL game this year with two people. One is a Steelers fan and one is a Bears fan. Since no matter what, either the Bears or Packers were going to be in the Super Bowl, I thought that if the Bears won and the Steelers lost, we could all still watch the game together. I guess the Packers/Jets would have worked too, but then they both would have been blase about the whole thing and that would have taken some of the fun out of it too.

Anyway, two weeks ago I knew I couldn't watch the Packers/Bears game with my friend and not get upset at some point. I also knew that he would much rather watch the game with the Steelers fan. I am not blind or mentally handicapped. I know I can't hold my own in a football conversation with two very smart guys who know what they are talking about and have more than 20 years of football knowledge on me. But that doesn't mean that I enjoy watching games alone.

Every year that I've been in Juneau I've watched the Super Bowl at the Steelers fan's house but I get it. I know I can't watch the game with a him this year. But it still pisses me off sometimes that I can't hold my own with the guys. And even though the Bears fan has said he won't root for the Steelers, I know it will suck for him to watch the game with me at some crappy bar instead of going over to the Steelers fan's house. Not only will there be better food over there, they will both be able to discuss the finer points of the game. I wouldn't ask him to do that, even if I was hoping I wouldn't have to.

But it's winter (which everyone already knows I hate) and now I don't get to hang out with either one of them for the game. I already see less of them in the winter because I am not a great skier. And since it's my party, I'll cry if I want to. Seriously, it was supposed to be my party. I mean, it's my birthday and the Packers are in the Super Bowl, I should be super happy.

SUPER BOWL, BITCHES!

The Packers are going to the Super Bowl!! I celebrated with moose ribs.

Booyah!

‎"I've been messin around with this game for about 50 years and this is the greatest individual performance in a playoff game I have ever seen."
-Mike Ditka, referring to Aaron Rodgers in the Green Bay Packers win over the #1 seeded Atlanta Falcons.

Training

My new internship job is pretty much what I expected. Make coffee, deliver mail, yadda yadda. I am by far the oldest, and I am also the only girl and I am taller than all the kiddos. Yep, it's awesome. I am relieved that they are all old enough to drink at least. I knew they would all be young and I was worried that if they were under 21 they'd ask me to buy them beer and I'd be the lame old lady that said no. Now I'm just the lame old lady that told them it might not be appropriate to listen to rap in our break room. I don't give a crap what they listen to, but if it's laced with n-bombs and "f*ck a b*t#h" every other line, I'm pretty sure there is at least one person walking by our office is going to have a problem with it. So I suggested headphones. Yeah, I'm that lady. I don't care. I am using this job to if nothing else, get good recommendations for future jobs. Hopefully, I might even get a job offer out of all of this.

2011

Judging from the way it started, I'm going to say that 2011 will be a good year!