I couldn't have thought of a better metaphor...

Thank you, Miss USA, for making the stupidest thing on televison worth while.

I'm a musical idiot savant!

I fully admit that I do not know much about music. My friend Nick, he knows music. But me, I listen to Top 40 and the best of the 80’s. My first concert was Bon Jovi and I have seen Green Day three times. I am not exactly in the know. The closest I’ve come to liking someone before they were mainstream was when I bought a Brandi Carlile album a year ago. (About 4 months before she was featured on Grey’s Anatomy - I know, it's scary how much ahead of the game I was on that one!) The last time I actually got to introduce someone to new music was when I came home for winter break freshman year of college and got to introduce my best friend to Tricky’s Maxinquaye album.

So it’s well established that I am not a music connoisseur.

One of the ‘classics’ I never heard before and had the wonderful opportunity to listen to this weekend was Warren Zevon’s breakout from 1978, Excitable Boy. It has a catchy tune you feel like tapping your feet to and then this verse comes along:

“He took little Susie to the Junior Prom

Excitable boy, they all said

and he raped her and killed her, then he took her home

Excitable boy, they all said

Well, he's just an excitable boy

After ten long years they let him out of the Home

Excitable boy, they all said

And he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones

Excitable boy, they all said

Well, he's just an excitable boy”

Um, what?

I thought at first that maybe this song was like Polly and was a commentary on some real life event, but no. Apparently Warren was just a freak. And songs like that explain why I am never going to be a music critic. I.don’t.get.it. I am sure there is some deep meaning behind this song that is a commentary on Larry Flint getting shot or Pope Paul VI dying, but its way above my head. And I soooo don't want to figure it out.

Fake N'Bake My Ass!

Fake and bake was such a disappointment. I am not orange. And I am certainly not tan. I look exactly the same as before. The.Same. What a waste of $25!

Pint and I are off to Bean town (yes, I did just call it that) in about 12 hours and I still have to do wash before I can pack. I really hate doing my wash. I think that a glass (or four) of wine will make my night so much better! That, and Christina bitch slapping Meredith right before she runs out of the church and leaves Burke alone at the alter, but I doubt that will happen. We’ll see…

Fake N' Bake

I am going to a wedding next month and I really don’t have the time or inclination to tan before hand, but it’s also pretty much a necessity considering how scary white I am, so I have decided to give spray tanning a try. I am doing a test run this week. I am pretty sure the end result of this experiment is going to be a very orange Kadonkadonk for a few days but I’ll never know until I try, right?



I have decided that none of my other friends can get married anytime soon. Weddings are expensive. If I ever decided to get married, I am SO going to elope in Vegas. I figure that will be the only time in my life I’ll splurge on a suite in the Luxor, and I’ve wanted to do that for awhile now. Of course, if I find myself a good sugar daddy that will take me to Vegas and let me blow his money on a regular basis so I can scratch that off my list, I don’t know what I’ll do. But I’m not going to worry about that until I meet a hot, old, rich man that’s totally in to chubby, half-albino girls.

It'ssss sssnake day, apparently...

Holy crap, I just ran into this black rat snake too! I'd say he's about 6 feet. He's basically a sitting duck right now because he's getting ready to molt, so he's not hunting or anything. (You can tell by the whitish/blue hue in his eyes.) These black snakes are harmless to humans; they eat bird eggs and small rodents. He was out sitting in a sunny spot probably trying to warm up. We also have breeding red shouldered hawks on our property and if they see this guy, he could be a goner!

So, I obviously brought in a camera today. It's not mine though. I really need to invest in a digital camera!!

Sssss-cary? Not really.

This morning, I ran into this poor guy just outside of work. It looks like a crow or some other bird tried to get him. Copperheads are not aggressive and rely on camouflage for protection against everything from humans to hawks. He’s lucky it wasn’t my roommate that spotted him, because she told me this horrific story about how her mom found a harmless black snake in their house and she dragged it outside and beat it to death! (Hmm, is it ‘dragged’ or ‘drug’ it outside? Sometimes I hate grammar.) It was one of the few times my roommate and I have not seen eye-to-eye on something. She thought her mother's reaction made perfect sense. I, on the other hand, was appalled. I get hunting. But beating a defenseless animal to death is so disturbing to me that I will never be able to look at her mother the same way. And it’s also why I don’t watch those awful shows on Animal Planet about animal police men and women. I would last all of one day in that job before I would be behind bars for murder.

Mill-e-wah-que, which is Algonquin for 'the good land'

I’m slaving away over a job application for a position in, of all places, Milwaukee, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Do I want to move back to Milwaukee? No. Of all the places I’ve lived, Milwaukee is by far the lamest. And other than my parents, there is nothing for me there. I have all of two friends from high school that I sort of still talk to (ie - we email each other about once a month), but other than that I don’t really know anyone there anymore. And there is definitely not as much to do in Milwaukee as there is in Juneau, or even DC for that matter. But this job sounds pretty cool, and it pays more than I am making in DC right now. And making more money where the cost of living is a lot lower would be awesome. I would be able to afford a place of my own downtown, which could be cool. I wouldn’t need a second job, which I technically don’t need in DC either, but it definitely makes the fun things more affordable. I could get experience in a city I am familiar with and stick around until I've put in enough time to move out west and actual be able to afford it. On the other hand, I would have to break my lease here and I don’t know if I could do that to my roommates.

I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just be satisfied in a job. My job right now is dull, but it’s not bad. I work with good people. And it’s not like the work is at all difficult. It’s weird, it’s like I hit a wall at some point and I get restless and I have to move on. I know I can handle more responsibility in a job, but why can’t I just be patient where I’m at? Eventually I’ll be given a chance to move up the ladder here. I think part of the reason I want out right now is because of how expensive this city is. Once you’ve been to all the museums, there’s a ton of cool shit to do but it’s expensive as hell. So being around cool shit, but not being able to afford to do any of it, well, it gets old real fast. Plus the summers here suck. I hate the heat. I mean, for Pete’s sake, I grew up in Wisconsin and moved to Alaska. I am a cold weather gal. Living in a drained swamp is not something that I am willing or able to do forever. Plus, politics get boring. So, I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now and even though I have met some really cool people here, I think it’s about that time to start looking for something new, whether this job in Milwaukee pans out or not.

I believe Tom Petty put it best:

“It's time to move on, time to get going

What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing

But under my feet, baby, grass is growing

It's time to move on, it's time to get going”

Fa-REEK!

So I am sitting at home on my ass parked in front of the TV because it is physically impossible to breathe out of my nose right now and I didn’t feel like hauling my snot factory into the office today. (And yes, I am aware that I was just sick in February. I blame this head cold on the fact that I was in Vegas abusing my body and then sat on a plane for 5 hours inhaling the germs off 150 complete strangers.) I have already read a little and slept a little, but now I am watching VH1’s ‘Michael Jackson’s Most Shocking Moments’. I am now afraid to fall back asleep for fear of nightmares so disturbing I’ll wake up in a cold sweat shaking and begging for my mommy. What a crazy lunatic. Seriously. Is there anyone in the world more fucked up?

Trust in Snape?

Yesterday I went to pre-order my copy of the last Harry Potter book and the whole experience was emotionally exhausting. I am so excited about the last book I could wet myself, but then I stop to think about what will happen once the book has been bought and read and I want to cry. Then the series is over. Done. Kaput. No more Harry Potter. What the hell will I have to look forward to then? It’s a feeling akin to waiting for your first child to be born, or what I imagine I will feel when and if I finally decide to have kids. Utter excitement about being a mom, total impatience at how long pregnancy lasts, and abject horror that I will fuck the kid up all rolled up into one. Like I said, I cannot wait for the last book to come out and I am completely impatience for July, but what if J.K. kills off Neville as her big finale? That would be pretty much fucking up the entire novel and I expect so much more.


The bookstore also made me take a sticker with my receipt. I had two choices; one that said, “Trust Snape”, and the other said, “Snape is a Very Bad Man”. Fuck. How am I supposed to know? My personal thought is that Snape isn’t necessarily a nice person, but he is not ‘bad’ either. There is no way he sat around in Hogwarts for years and years if his only goal was to kill Dumbledore. The two of them had to have made some sort of arrangement and his actions will somehow be explained in the last book. So, no, I don’t think he is a very bad man. But I sure as hell don’t trust him either. The clerk at the bookstore must have thought I was mildly retarded because I probably stared blankly at him for a full 30 seconds before stating, a little too loudly,

“If I have to choose, I’ll take the ‘Trust Snape’ one, although I don’t exactly trust him. I really think that you should have a third option for people who are still undecided on the matter. I mean, it’s so obvious that J.K. Rowling could go in two completely difference directions and how am I supposed to know what she is thinking right now? I mean, I am not a mind reader. I would be very disappointed if Snape ended up being bad after all these years of Dumbledore sticking up for him. I mean, I definitely trust Dumbledore. I trust him more than I dislike Snape. Don’t you have any Dumbledore stickers?”

Surprisingly, the clerk was not too nonplused by this outburst. His expression never changed and he simply handed me my sticker and said, “I apologize for not having a Dumbledore choice. Thank you for shopping at Waldenbooks. Please have a nice day.” Basically, he dismissed me. But I was so worked up thinking about my Snape allegiance that I didn’t even notice. I stewed about it for most of the night. Only two more months though, and all my questions will be answered! I can’t wait!

Vegas by the Numbers...

Money lost gambling: approx. $200

Money lost at Fat Burger: $100

Days taken off work to recover: 1

Cigarettes smoked: 3

Nights out past sunrise: 2

Stories involving Chapin running from the police: 4

Times Chapin had to run from hotel security: 1

Money put on credit card: $71.61

Hangovers: 3

Nights slept on the floor: 1

Times I thought about work: 0