Friday, November 05, 2010

Hazy daze...

Today, like most days recently, I spent the majority of my time staring off into space vaguely wondering what I should do with my life. There are just so many directions I could go right now and none of them seem to be the ‘right’ way. Normally in this situation I would make a pro/con list, albeit a mental one, but that only works when I have option A and option B. Right now I am trying to decide where I want to live, where I want to work and whether I want to go back to school, and there are a lot of combinations of those three things.

Also, my dog is starting to slow down. Unless you know me you don’t realize how much that is impacting all of my decisions. I have been trying to ignore that fact that she is having more trouble with the stairs and her back legs are starting to give out more often, but there is only so much longer I can deny what I am seeing. I hate, hate, hate that she is old. I hate that she doesn’t want to cuddle with me more. I feel like Lennie from Of Mice and Men, I just want to keep petting her all day. I pray every night that when the time comes she will just die in her sleep because I am not sure I am strong enough to let her go when her time comes.

So, that is what I have been thinking about these days. I have not really been thinking about the fact that I have a date tonight. I thought it would be a good distraction, but I have to admit I have not put much thought into it other than to acknowledge that I have to be ready to go around 7ish. I have absolutely nothing in common with this guy. Honestly, I just thought he would be a good winter pastime. And if that makes me slutty, good. I’ve been a prude for way too long.

This blog, like my life right now, is pretty disjointed. But sometimes it just feels good to write.


radioactive girl said...

I think the two of us are feeling pretty similar these days. I have too many things changing and can't seem to figure out which thing to focus on and where to go or how to put them together. I thought I knew but then I think about it again and it just seems so overwhelming to even decide where to start with figuring out what to do.

And I completely understand about the dog thing. I am sorry! I will think good thoughts for you!

Anonymous said...

Dont be silly. You are totally a little bit smarter and hotter than Lennie.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Good luck on the date! Sometimes it's good to go on a bunch of random ones just to pass the time. : )