I know you are sick of politics, but I just can't help myself...

One week to go. In just one week, we will have elected a new President. And despite the poll numbers that should be putting my mind at ease, I am terrified of the outcome. I campaigned hard for a local election in 2004 that appeared to be close in the polls. My candidate lost by a landslide, and Bush was re-elected. The double-whammy hurtled me into a weeklong depression.

The stakes seem higher this time around. I have literally broken out in hives at the thought of Palin in the White House. Okay, so I think I just have really dry skin right now, but I am sure that it’s a direct result of living a block away from an abandoned Governor’s mansion that I pass every day on my way to work. That house just sucks all the joy and happiness out of me. Sometimes, I go out of my way just to avoid seeing it. I’ve also let my dog take a dump in the driveway and I purposely didn’t pick it up even though I had a bag in my pocket. Take that, Palin!

Before getting back to Juneau, I actually did some campaigning for Obama in northern Virginia. Even though I was closer to DC, they needed volunteers to go out to Manassas, so I did. I was shocked by how many racial slurs were dropped by otherwise unsuspecting little old white ladies. I am probably going to hell for telling one especially old biddy that I hoped she died before November 4, but that is a price I am willing to pay. I know that there is still a lot of prejudice out there, but I have never been more ashamed of my race than I was that day, standing on a civil war battlefield and seeing a lady that looked like she just came from church drop the n-word.

Then there is the Ted Stevens race. I really like his opponent, Mark Begich, but this state is dumb enough to elect an 84-year old convicted felon. There really is no way to explain Alaskan politics. Once you’re in, even prison can’t stop you!

So basically, I am just giving everyone a fair warning that if the country goes red next week, I am going to be a very unhappy camper and I am apologizing ahead of time.

OK, enough about politics!! Let me just leave you by saying that while I was looking for a picture to put up with this post and I stumbled upon the Freedom is Not Free calendar. How do I become the photographer for that organization?

And then I found this really weird comic that shows us what both Obama and Clinton would look like with Humpty Hump noses. So, now you know and you can scratch that burning question off your list.

Oh. My. God.

I don't understand some people. Have you ever seen Jesus Camp? I read Jesus Land by Julia Scheeres a few years ago and that was depressingly informative. But to see actual images from a sick-o bible-beater camp is one of the scariest things I have ever seen. I actually watched both Jesus Camp and The Cult of the Suicide Bomber this weekend and I don’t think I’ve had a more depressing weekend since Bush won his second election back in 2004. I don’t even know where to begin.

In Jesus Land, the pastors, or whatever they are called, start off by slamming global warming and evolution. Then they show very young children ‘examples’ of 7-week old fetuses, which apparently look like ity-bitty plastic baby dolls if you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Never mind that most women at that point are carrying something that looks like a jellybean in their womb, true Evangelicals immaculately conceive fully developed miniature people in their uteruses. Then they bring in a life-sized George Bush cutout so that the children at Jesus Camp can pray to him. And throughout the movie they repeatedly refer to how great of a leader Bush is.

The Cult of the Suicide Bomber takes a look at how Iran and Lebanon began using young soldiers as suicide bombers and how it changed the face of guerilla warfare. Did you know that the first known suicide bomber was a 13-year old boy?! The movie was done by a jaded ex-CIA agent that was working in Beirut back in 1983 when the American Embassy was bombed. It's a harsh look at what it is like to be raised in extreme Muslim countries. And the similarities between the two films is eerie. But I guess it makes sense. I mean, I feel that most religious extremists are going to sound somewhat similar. And I just don't understand why anyone that believes in a higher power would be so intolerant of other people. I just don't get it.

Seriously - don't hate!

So, I am addicted to Grey's Anatomy. I think it's reached intervention levels. I took some time off during season 4 because the writing absolutely sucked and I didn't agree with the show firing Isaiah Washington. Yes, he said fag or faggot or some other inappropriate slang word, but he also apologized and started meeting with a GLAAD spokesperson or something. Sure, he shouldn't have said what he said, but I know that I have said, 'That's so retarded!' or 'That's gay!' before without thinking and I would like to think that if I accidentally said that at work, I would not get fired. And I am sorry, but if you are going to fire someone for saying something stupid, fire them. Don't wait until the end of the season and make it look like all is forgiven and then fire them. That is just wrong. Plus, Cristina is my favorite character and after Burke left, her story line got lame.

My point is that I watch Grey's Anatomy and if you don't like that, well then you can just suck it, retard!

So, I was watching this weeks episode online since my TV died and I can't bring myself to drop the big bucks on a flat screen right now. And it could just be me, but I think that Ellen Pompeo has gained some much needed weight since last season. I mean, she is still scary skinny, but she doesn't look like a bobblehead doll quite as much now. And I want to know why she usually looks fine when I see pictures of her in People or US magazine, but when I am watching the show all I can think about is how washed out and homely she looks. I mean, can scrubs really make a person look that bad? My younger sister wears scrubs to work and she still manages to look cute, so I am pretty sure that is not the case. So I guess my second point is that ABC should fire their make-up artists, unless they are going for heroine sheik. And if that is really what someone is asking for, then they should be fired!

It's Always Sunny in Arizona!

I was in Anchorage all last week on business. So when I got into the office yesterday morning, I expected it to be a hellish Monday and I was fully expecting this week to drag by. Then I unexpectedly got asked to go to Phoenix next week. My job is still pretty new and I definitely didn't think that I would be doing much traveling. I mean, have you looked at airfare to or from Alaska recently? It's ridiculous. But in the last two months I've been up to Anchorage, over to Sitka, and now I get to go to sunny, warm, beautiful Phoenix. So, whatever I did to please the sun gods, please let me know what it was so that I can keep on doing it! And if the airline gods are listening, want to fill me in on what I have to do to get a window seat? 'Cause right now, I'm willing to do pretty much whatever. Juneau to Phoenix is a long way to go stuck in a middle seat...

Alaska is sorry!

A few hundred people showed up for Juneau's Anti-Palin rally this morning, which is a really good showing for a town this size.

I was really impressed with the  time some people put into making signs.
It was raining and chilly, but that never stops things from going on here. This guy was awesome.
If you aren't terrified of Palin in the White House, you aren't paying enough attention.

Anchorage also had a great Anti-Palin rally and I just hope that everyone knows not all Alaskans support McSame's horrible VP choice! We're sorry!!

Big Sigh...

Most people that live in Alaska enjoy winter. Most people that choose to move to Alaska are into skiing, snowboarding, hockey, snowshoeing, or some other cold weather activity. Most people see the snow starting to slowly climb down the mountains and start getting excited about steaming mugs of cocoa and the Northern Lights and all the tourists leaving.

I have never been like most people…

I hate to admit that I am not a huge fan of winter. I never learned how to ski and the last time I lived here I devoted all my time to snowboarding. And what a crap ton of wasted time that was! I hated every single, solitary minute of snowboarding and I vowed never to get on another snowboard as long as I live. I am going to try skiing this winter, but having a dozen 6-year-olds zipping by my fat ass on the bunny hill is something that I know I am not going to relish.

I joined the beginning women’s hockey league last time I lived here, but I realized that I really need to learn how to skate before I do that again. Plus, trying to get motivated to go play hockey at 10pm on a Tuesday is hard. The hockey leagues here get some pretty crappy ice times.

It’s going to take me a year or two to get used to Alaska winters again. This is the time of year I absolutely loved in DC. All the leaves bursting with color and that crisp, clean smell in the air. I drove up to Shenandoah both autumns I was in DC and it is a gorgeous time to visit. In contrast, the fifty deciduous trees in Juneau all turn yellow and then fade to brown. I think I have seen two trees that actually turned red or orange. Everything is wet, it starts to get dark earlier and earlier, and winter looms on the horizon – literally. The snow creeping down the mountains is a constant reminder that we aren’t going to see daylight for the next few months. Winter is not why I moved back to Juneau.

Clusterf*ck to the Whitehouse Continues...

Regardless of what the polls have been saying in the past week, I think that the Vice Presidential debates tomorrow night are going to have a huge impact on the election. My worst fear is the Biden won’t know when to shut the hell up and will be portrayed in the media as a pompous, sexist, know-it-all. The man is wicked smart, but long winded and at the same time unbelievably blunt. Plus, the spin surrounding this debate has pretty much assured the Republican Party ‘victory’ so long as Palin doesn’t drop a racial slur or rip off her shirt on stage. Expectations are so low, that if she forms complete sentences it will be considered a KO for Palin.

The other thing the keeps me up at night is the thought that the Republicans are continuing to out-strategize Democrats. If Palin does well, she finally gets some credibility. She’ll have a debate under her belt, some new confidence in herself, and her handlers can start loosening her leash a little bit. If she sucks ass, they could convince her to step down because of ‘family issues’ and fill her spot with Rudy Giuliani or Joe Lieberman. If there is one thing Republicans do well, it’s put the spin on bad decisions. (Anyone remember that there were zero Iraqis on board the planes on 9/11?) And if she gives a great concession speech and hits all her talking points - makes it clear she made this decision with her family, it has nothing to do with the press, McCain is a Maverick, blah, blah, blah – there could be a media firestorm, which spun the right way would be Republican gold. Bastards!

Oh Jon, how is it that you always know how to get me to chuckle, even when it is just oh so wrong?