Puppy update

Pint’s surgery is scheduled for May 14, but she has been getting around just fine and she doesn’t seem to be in any pain, so I am starting to have second thoughts about it. It’s not a money thing. I forgot about Bush’s wonderful tax stimulus plan so money isn’t going to be a huge problem. It’s more the fact that Pint is pushing 14, and she could be even older because I got her from the pound and her age was just an estimate. Plus, it’s a pretty extensive surgery. A full week in a sling. Eight weeks total recovery.

Do I put my old dog through that? Twenty years ago, a canine cruciate ligament surgery didn’t exist. You let your dog gimp around and if the pain got too bad, you put it down. I am not prepared to do that, not if she is otherwise healthy. But if she is not in any pain, I could prolong the surgery to see if it’s really needed. I mean, she is running around and wagging her tail and begging for food. I know my dog. I know when she is hurt and she is not acting hurt right now.

And the surgery would hurt her. It’s not like I can tell her what’s going on. So, I have no idea what I am going to do. I really hate that age is a factor, but I am trying to be realistic. She might only live a few more years. And she is not exactly super active right now. She probably sleeps 20 hours a day. At least. I absolutely hate that I have to make this decision and I wish she could just tell me what she wants me to do. Ugh. Sometimes, being an adult really sucks.

Just What I Needed...

Torn Canine Cruciate Surgery: $2,000

KaDonkaDonk: Completely Fucked

Baby Wee-Wee, Seriously?

Keeping with the baby theme - I can't seem to get away from this damn commercial. And it's just plan wrong...

KNOCKED UP!!

I am now 100% certain that babies are not in my future. Not only because I don’t like kids, but also because I am utterly selfish. Yesterday I found out that someone I know is knocked up. Okay, she is married, so I guess technically that is not ‘knocked up’, but she is going to have kid. And my initial thought was, ‘Great. Another friend that is going to drop off the face of the planet to hang out with other moms and compare notes about binkies and diaper genies.’ The fact that I could turn the happiest event in this woman’s life into a ‘woe-is-me’ bitchfest is the perfect example of why I should most definitely not have any children.

On the flip side, I think I will make an awesome aunt. (Or, My Jewish Friend, I think I’d be an awesome goy influence to some Jew baby!) I can totally see myself spoiling a kid and then giving it back to mom the second all the sugar I just fed him/her kicks in. I will be the one that buys the really loud annoying toys that mom or dad ends up ‘accidentally’ breaking in the middle of the night. And when my sisters or My Jewish Friend decide to have kids, (Seriously Big Sister, what’s the hold up?! You aren’t getting any younger and you’ve been with Boyfriend FOREVER!!) I am definitely going to be the one to take them out drinking when they are older. I will be the perfect bad influence to someone else’s child.

But I cannot see myself giving up my own freedom to raise a child of my own. I get bored with jobs after one year. I can barely take care of an 8-pound Chihuahua. I like to get drunk and yes, sometimes I smoke. I swear like a sailor. And I am always broke. I don’t see any place in my budget to accommodate a child. Oh, and baby poo absolutely grosses me out. I can barely pick up Pint’s shit and I don’t have to get anywhere near her butt. I wonder if there will be a way for me to finagle it so that I never have to change a diaper if my sisters or my BFF ever decide to become preggers. I am pretty confident at this point that those are the only babies I will actually deal with for any length of time…

Mission Accomplished

I finally did something touristy! It only took 2 years. Now that I have that scratched off my ‘to do’ list, can I leave now?

So, my dad told me that this woman he works with hates the Washington Monument because it reminds her of a gigantic KKK hood. I've only ever heard phallic comparisons before, so now that I can't get the racist image out of my head, I kind of miss thinking about it as a big albino penis...

Cherry blossoms rock.