In February I’m going to turn 28. I like that number. It sounds like a good age to be. Not that there has been anything wrong with 27. I think the year I turned 25 was the year I totally freaked out and thought that I was ‘so old’. Now I don’t think I’ll have another freak out until I hit 37. For some reason, that just sounds like the next big milestone. So I am not scared to turn 28.
But I am scared about turning into a bag lady. I have spent ALL of my 20’s involved with the same man - my entire 20’s. And recently, he ended it with me. My entire adult life has included one man and now I am trying to figure out how to start over again. I do not want to be the jaded, bitter person lugging baggage into all my future relationships. I’ve know him since before it was legal for me to drink. He’s seen me quit smoking and graduate from college. He introduced me to country music (no seriously, some of it is actually good) and showed me how to change the oil in my car. I watched him go though a seriously fucked up marriage and watched him go through a complete break down when his family had a last minute shotgun wedding because his little sister got knocked up. (Yep, he’s a little bit redneck, but it’s usually not in the Jerry Springer kind of way.) We were best friends before we ever got involved and he’s seen me at my best and my absolute worst.
I’ve accepted that it’s over and I even think it’s for the best, but the reality of not having him to bounce ideas off of and the thought of having to build up that trust and friendship all over again with someone else hits me like a ton of bricks some days.