I have decided that I would make an excellent truck driver. Over Thanksgiving weekend, I put 1,531.6 miles on my car driving home to surprise my parents and I must have passed at least 500 semis. (And that is probably an extremely low estimate.) Anyway, I think I have what it takes. I have the perfect sized dog to ride along with me. My iPod is completely full. I would blow my horn for anyone who made that universal fist pumping gesture. And most importantly, I have mad CB skills.
The only factor that could potentially hinder my future trucking career is my adamant refusal to put any type of American flag paraphernalia on my truck. Naked women silhouette mud flaps? No problem. One of those 'How's My Driving' signs? Alright. But I could not and would not splay a gigantic American Flag sticker on my truck with something along the lines of 'Support Our Troops, NO SYMPATHY FOR THE ENEMY' surrounding it. I must have seen that on half of the trucks I passed. Seriously. And it kind of pissed me off. What enemy?
We are by far killing more Iraqi civilians than terrorists - am I not supposed to feel bad about that? Supporting troops would be a lot easier if I supported government military actions. If they were in, say, Darfur, I would support that. If we had a presence in Banda Aceh, I'd support that. But kids getting shipped off to Korea and the Middle East on pre-emptive missions of democracy? Um, no.
So when I start my trucking career, I am going trick out my semi to run on vegetable oil and custom paint it to say "Peace, Motherfucker!" And I am going to recruit other truckers to join my gang and we'll only stop at locally owned, organic truck stops. And it will be wonderful.