Zip lining in Hoonah!

I went with a bunch of friends to Hoonah last weekend. They have the longest zip line in North America - over a mile long. I don't really get scared at things like zip lines. I've been sky diving before and that definitely was more nerve-wracking. But just because you aren't afraid to do something doesn't make it any less fun.

Crap.

After trying and mostly failing to adjust to a significantly smaller budget this year, I was excited when I woke up this morning knowing my first paycheck since April 26 was waiting for me in my bank account. Then I remembered that I’ve been living off savings, which is down to $287 and that I managed to add an entire zero to my credit card statement in the last three months. I think the rest of the day will be mostly about binge eating and beer. At least I am getting better about whoring myself out for drinks.

I went and saw Bridesmaids last weekend. It was good - there were definitely parts that made me laugh out loud. But it hit a little bit too close to home in some spots. It takes place in Milwaukee and it’s about a woman who has lost her job and has no money and has a pattern of sleeping with douchebags and all her friends are getting married. Umm, that sounds eerily familiar. I wish my life was more like Hollywood and could work itself out and get back on track in two hours though. I keep thinking that if I can just hang in there a little bit longer, something will go my way and I’ll land this amazing job and everything will be even better than it was before. In December I told myself that if I just sucked it up for one session something great would open up. Now I am trying to convince myself that if I can just make it to next session, of course I’ll get a 'real' job. In my mind I keep thinking that I just need a little more face time with people. I don’t know if I am being optimistic or naive. I guess I am not giving myself enough credit. I have already secured a better job for next session, but it's not the job I really want. It's a step up so at least there is that, but it's still only a temporary job. I want to stay positive. I know I complain a lot, but that’s sort of how I deal with stuff. I think that overall, I am not a horribly negative person although it's been hard to 'keep my chin up' ever since I got laid off.

Sad Panda

I didn’t cry when the guy I have been hanging out with left. I think part of me actually thought we would continue to see each other, which in hindsight is just so silly. We hardly even dated. It is not rational to start a long distance relationship with someone you barely know. But I am not going to lie, when I found out that he has been hitting on my girlfriend, I totally had a good cry last night. Logically, I know I have no reason to be mad. But it’s so much easier to be mad than to feel hurt and jealous. We didn’t talk about the future and he owes me nothing. Hell, I’ve already fooled around with a pilot. And it is petty of me to ask her not to date him. They live in the same city and I am 700 miles away. Besides, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. It's as simple as that.

But everyone dates in the same circles up here, especially in my work environment. And I guess that is something I hadn't dealt with yet. So this was actually a good lesson for me to learn early on. Don't casually date people you work with because you can't escape them up here. They are both great people. If they start dating, it will be awkward to hang out with them but I am a grown up so I will suck it up and do it. I am kind of hoping they don't though because I know that this girl is totally smitten with someone else. It would just make me sad to know that her rebound is someone I really like. And honestly, I don’t think they did anything other that flirt, so I am being a crazy borderline stalker right now. But hearing that made me realize it doesn't matter who it is, he is obviously moving on. If it's not her, it's just going to be someone else. I guess at least now I know where I stand and I can stop being pathetic.