Karma

I think I am a decent person. Sure I occasionally lie and I took some pens from my last job, but who hasn’t done that? And maybe I drink too much and perhaps I’ve been smoking lately but my destructive behaviors really only affect me. I’m sure everyone thinks of themselves as a good person. Even Jeffrey Dahmer probably thought he was somehow doing a good thing by hacking people up and keeping them in his refrigerator. But I put spiders outside instead of killing them. And even though I have been looking for a job all year, when I interviewed for a position that was right up my roommate’s alley, I told them she would be a better fit, which resulted in her getting the job. I volunteer. I try not to be mean, I hang out with people I don’t even really like sometimes because they seem lonely. When I have disposable income I donate money to charity. I hold doors open and I try to be polite.

So why is karma being such a bitch to me this year? Seriously.

It’s been almost a year since I got laid off. I am trying to stay optimistic because I know it could be a lot worse but right now I am substitute teaching for the fall. That is fun. And by fun I mean horrible. Money wise, things are getting semi-scary and subbing really doesn’t pay very well. But at least it’s marginally better than unemployment. And my roommate, the one that landed the job I told her about, just informed me that she is moving about because she ‘needs a cat right now.’ I was hoping to persuade her to stay until January because it’s a lot easier to find a roommate that time of year but she can’t wait 10 extra weeks for a cat. Because God knows, cats are hard to come by.

And to top it all off, the guy I have been dating and totally falling for during the last six months just told me that he is moving to Kansas City. In a month. I haven’t liked a guy this much in literally years. And after a minor freak out on my part right at the beginning, which I blame on the fact that I haven’t been so into someone for so damn long and it sort of scared the crap out of me, things have been going about as close to perfect as I’ve ever gotten in a relationship. Ever. But he got a really great job offer in fucking Missouri and apparently it’s too good to pass up.

I must have been a huge asshole in my past life.

Bear with me...

I know I haven't blogged in forever. Honestly, there isn't much going on right now and I haven't been feeling like it. You're bummed, I know. The only things I have to talk about right now are:

1. I just found out I am going to be an aunt. FINALLY. It is going to be a bit difficult to win the Best Aunt Evah Award living 3,000 miles away from the new arrival, but I will figure out a way. I'm counting on the fact that we might end up sharing a birthday. My sister is due the week before my birthday, but since babies are never on time, well, sometimes, I am going to have a little chat with this one and try to arrange a duel birthday for us.

2. Harry Potter is finished. I saw it in 3D and regular D. It was my first 3D experience and I have to say, I'm not a fan. I hope this is just a craze and we can all go back to normal soon.

3. I ran into this guy yesterday. I was a bit closer than I would have liked, but he seemed pretty happy with this fish so I wasn't too worried. Living here never gets old.

Zip lining in Hoonah!

I went with a bunch of friends to Hoonah last weekend. They have the longest zip line in North America - over a mile long. I don't really get scared at things like zip lines. I've been sky diving before and that definitely was more nerve-wracking. But just because you aren't afraid to do something doesn't make it any less fun.

Crap.

After trying and mostly failing to adjust to a significantly smaller budget this year, I was excited when I woke up this morning knowing my first paycheck since April 26 was waiting for me in my bank account. Then I remembered that I’ve been living off savings, which is down to $287 and that I managed to add an entire zero to my credit card statement in the last three months. I think the rest of the day will be mostly about binge eating and beer. At least I am getting better about whoring myself out for drinks.

I went and saw Bridesmaids last weekend. It was good - there were definitely parts that made me laugh out loud. But it hit a little bit too close to home in some spots. It takes place in Milwaukee and it’s about a woman who has lost her job and has no money and has a pattern of sleeping with douchebags and all her friends are getting married. Umm, that sounds eerily familiar. I wish my life was more like Hollywood and could work itself out and get back on track in two hours though. I keep thinking that if I can just hang in there a little bit longer, something will go my way and I’ll land this amazing job and everything will be even better than it was before. In December I told myself that if I just sucked it up for one session something great would open up. Now I am trying to convince myself that if I can just make it to next session, of course I’ll get a 'real' job. In my mind I keep thinking that I just need a little more face time with people. I don’t know if I am being optimistic or naive. I guess I am not giving myself enough credit. I have already secured a better job for next session, but it's not the job I really want. It's a step up so at least there is that, but it's still only a temporary job. I want to stay positive. I know I complain a lot, but that’s sort of how I deal with stuff. I think that overall, I am not a horribly negative person although it's been hard to 'keep my chin up' ever since I got laid off.