Happy Monday

Note to Self

There is a reason your last name isn't O'Malley and you don't have red hair. Remember what happened the first time you tried to dye your hair red?
Also, the next time you have a hair dresser that apparently idolizes Elvira, just walk away. Just walk away, KaDonk...

Ugh. I am sick of thinking.

In an effort to stop thinking about health insurance and the economy, I have decided to simply post inappropriate shit I find on the Internet while I am supposed to be working. It sure beats actually accomplishing anything. And if anyone finds this gum in a real store, it is now required that you send me some.Ditto with this awesome flashlight:
I'm expecting a lot from your comment to this post, Becca. Don't let me down. Camel balls and an alien dildo. I don't think I could have given you any better material.

I am not funny.

In the last week, it has been brought to my attention not once, but twice that my blog no longer has the shits and giggles tone it once did. Well, to all you haters out there, I've got three words for you:

You. Are. Right.

It is not easy being witty all the time. Apparently, I have been placating my blogging urge with posts about Twilight and knitting. I know, I know. I am sorry. I understand I am not 12-years old (ie - enough with the Twi-shit) and I am not 80 either, so I will try to keep the knitting blah, blah, blah on Ravelry...

However, I have also accepted the fact that I am *gasp* not that funny. So if you are looking for funny, visit The Onion. I don't think I ever claimed to be funny. This blog is clearly meant to be about whining and bitching, things I know I am good at.


Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon

Dear FOX,

You suck ass. And for once, I am not even complaining about your horrible news coverage. I don't get why I can watch full episodes of 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?' (srsly?) but not only do you refuse to post episodes of So You Think You Can Dance, you also get your lawyer Nazis to pull clips off YouTube almost immediately. Do you not want people to see your show? I mean, how much frickin' money are you making off (the Emmy-award winning) show and the tour each season? Obviously enough to warrent a special fall season of SYTYCD. Must you really deprive people of being able to see Jeanine's killer final solo on YouTube? If anything, being able to watch the best routines online will actually attract more viewers. What the hell is wrong with you people? I mean, other than you being total douchebags...

This is not nearly as awesome as her dance last night, but you get the idea: