Fa-REEK!

So I am sitting at home on my ass parked in front of the TV because it is physically impossible to breathe out of my nose right now and I didn’t feel like hauling my snot factory into the office today. (And yes, I am aware that I was just sick in February. I blame this head cold on the fact that I was in Vegas abusing my body and then sat on a plane for 5 hours inhaling the germs off 150 complete strangers.) I have already read a little and slept a little, but now I am watching VH1’s ‘Michael Jackson’s Most Shocking Moments’. I am now afraid to fall back asleep for fear of nightmares so disturbing I’ll wake up in a cold sweat shaking and begging for my mommy. What a crazy lunatic. Seriously. Is there anyone in the world more fucked up?

Trust in Snape?

Yesterday I went to pre-order my copy of the last Harry Potter book and the whole experience was emotionally exhausting. I am so excited about the last book I could wet myself, but then I stop to think about what will happen once the book has been bought and read and I want to cry. Then the series is over. Done. Kaput. No more Harry Potter. What the hell will I have to look forward to then? It’s a feeling akin to waiting for your first child to be born, or what I imagine I will feel when and if I finally decide to have kids. Utter excitement about being a mom, total impatience at how long pregnancy lasts, and abject horror that I will fuck the kid up all rolled up into one. Like I said, I cannot wait for the last book to come out and I am completely impatience for July, but what if J.K. kills off Neville as her big finale? That would be pretty much fucking up the entire novel and I expect so much more.


The bookstore also made me take a sticker with my receipt. I had two choices; one that said, “Trust Snape”, and the other said, “Snape is a Very Bad Man”. Fuck. How am I supposed to know? My personal thought is that Snape isn’t necessarily a nice person, but he is not ‘bad’ either. There is no way he sat around in Hogwarts for years and years if his only goal was to kill Dumbledore. The two of them had to have made some sort of arrangement and his actions will somehow be explained in the last book. So, no, I don’t think he is a very bad man. But I sure as hell don’t trust him either. The clerk at the bookstore must have thought I was mildly retarded because I probably stared blankly at him for a full 30 seconds before stating, a little too loudly,

“If I have to choose, I’ll take the ‘Trust Snape’ one, although I don’t exactly trust him. I really think that you should have a third option for people who are still undecided on the matter. I mean, it’s so obvious that J.K. Rowling could go in two completely difference directions and how am I supposed to know what she is thinking right now? I mean, I am not a mind reader. I would be very disappointed if Snape ended up being bad after all these years of Dumbledore sticking up for him. I mean, I definitely trust Dumbledore. I trust him more than I dislike Snape. Don’t you have any Dumbledore stickers?”

Surprisingly, the clerk was not too nonplused by this outburst. His expression never changed and he simply handed me my sticker and said, “I apologize for not having a Dumbledore choice. Thank you for shopping at Waldenbooks. Please have a nice day.” Basically, he dismissed me. But I was so worked up thinking about my Snape allegiance that I didn’t even notice. I stewed about it for most of the night. Only two more months though, and all my questions will be answered! I can’t wait!

Vegas by the Numbers...

Money lost gambling: approx. $200

Money lost at Fat Burger: $100

Days taken off work to recover: 1

Cigarettes smoked: 3

Nights out past sunrise: 2

Stories involving Chapin running from the police: 4

Times Chapin had to run from hotel security: 1

Money put on credit card: $71.61

Hangovers: 3

Nights slept on the floor: 1

Times I thought about work: 0

Well Vegas, I hope you are happy...

I’m getting ready for Vegas and about to do something I haven’t done in a long time. That’s right, I am going to put my credit card in my wallet. I wasn't planning to, but then I unexpectedly had to drop $300 on a visit to Pint’s vet, over $100 on my car, and another $100 on work shit that I will get reimbursed for eventually but not in time for this trip. And that was basically all my spending money. So I am going to go dig through the pile of shit under my bed and fish out my good old Citibank card. I racked up the credit debit when I studied abroad. I mean, racked.it.up. But it’s finally paid off and I haven’t touched the thing in over a year and I have gotten used to not having it around. And I think I learned my lesson and will be able to behave myself this weekend. (Everyone keep your fingers crossed!) The only thing that really terrifies me is losing the card, because it’s a card a criminal would LOVE to get his or her hands on. I have no idea what Citibank was thinking, but last time I checked, the balance on that card was more than I make in a year. I could literally go out and put a Mercedes on the damn thing. Maybe not an s-class, or whatever the hell the nicest series is, but a basic one. I have tried to call them and get the limit lowered, but the people on the phone don’t seem to get what I am asking for. It’s actually kind of annoying since I’m sure way too high limits are a contributing factor to why Americans are swimming in so much credit card debit. Anyway, I’ll keep an eye on my card and try to keep my spending in check. Worst case scenario, I have to spend my next couple of paychecks making up for drunken purchases I don’t even remember. I can think of worse things!

Sphincter says what?

Man, I have always wanted to use that for the title of a blog! God, I love Wayne's World. What a great way to lighten the mood!

Work has slowed down, I’ve already written about all my upcoming adventures, and nothing is really pissing me off these days so I am having a small bout of writers block. I could write about Gonzales or what a great dad Alex Baldwin is or something, but I lack both the motivation and the patience to form coherent thoughts right now. Any one have any good blogging ideas?